Over the last year there have been a number of new people who have come into my life and in their own ways each of them have had an impact on me and who I’m becoming. Three though have stood out and I guess made the most impact.
The first I’ve written about before. This is someone who in the last year has become more important to me than I care to admit or I think he realizes. He has indirectly and directly been the catalyst for some of the biggest changes in me. I guess you could say in some strange way he is almost a type of mentor not that he is by any means old or staid or any of those other words associated with mentors. Quite the opposite actually if I look at him I see vibrance, passion, knowledge and it sure as h3ll doesn’t hurt that he is downright sexy. He challenges me, he makes me push my boundaries, he makes me want to grow, he makes me want to become the me I’m supposed to be not just the me who was coasting, hiding in plain sight hoping no one would see me. He has helped me rediscover a passion, caring and gentleness I thought I’d lost a long time ago. He has me feeling and wanting things that I have denied for far too long. But most importantly he just lets me be me, meltdowns and all.
The second I wouldn’t have met if not for the first and his pushing me to test my limits.
We both have issues and we both need time but I think if we try we may be able to grow this into something that could be special. He has given me a control I’ve never had before, he’s given me a sense of self that I don’t quite understand yet but it feels good. He has brought out a different more grown up side to me as well, it could be that he’s older, who knows. He makes me feel nurtured and important and cared about even if it’s not very often. We may have lost our way for a while there but we’re trying to get it back, we’re taking it slowly and only time will tell. There may not be the same passion and intensity but there is definitely something that I feel deep down is worth exploring.
The third well the less I say about him the better but he definitely merits a mention. He came along at a time when I was feeling really vulnerable, I had just lost or at least thought I’d lost the one person who I thought was keeping me on track and he seemed to be everything any girl could ever want. Turned out he was (yes he is no longer part of my life) one of those a$$holes that insinuates his way into your life through others and then brings out nothing but the worst in you though. He tried to take away my hard fought for control and very nearly succeeded too. He showed me everything in myself and others that I don’t want. The fact that he didn’t grasp the word no was the death knell for him and if I never see him again it will be a lifetime to soon.
So yes here we have three very different men, men who for very different reasons have all in their own way contributed to making me who I am today and helped me on my journey to who I’m going to eventually be and yes I am glad I met them all even the silly a$$ who is gone and will hopefully soon be forgotten.
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