Finally

starting to get the strands that connect us :o)

22/07/2011

Another day that will live in infamy :o(

My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who had

thier families so cruelly ripped from them.

I feel for each of you.

Going ... going ... gone

Think it's time for a break.

Time away from everything and everyone.

Don't see that many people so it wont be to hard,

doubt they'll even notice I'm not around.

Just need to be GONE... ... ... ...

Might be back some time I don't know yet.

Never gonna be .................. alone (well unless you're me)

You know it's funny you can hear a song literally hundred's of times and it's just a song, just something that plays in the background. Part of the sound track to a life I guess. Then you have a moment like I did just now, where when you're feeling something particular and you hear that same song and suddenly it takes on a completely new meaning. Maybe you HEAR the lyrics for the first time or maybe its message is what you need to hear.

*shrug*

Who really knows or understands these things? Certainly NOT me.

Anyway I've been having a decidedly bad morning, woke up feeling like I'm on the edge of an abyss about to fall and there is nothing and no one to grab hold of to to stop myself falling.

I've been accused of being a user and an emotional blackmailer, Yep, that's what comes of dumping someone that gives you the willies a week after his dad dies. Although I had to giggle at the idea of supposedly having been using him for sex considering those self same willies made it impossible for me to even let him kiss him, guess a single kiss qualifies as sex these days. Wish they'd issue revised rules when the make sweeping changes like that. Got blamed for things being wrong in someone else's life. AGAIN. Funny but in my opinion he has it pretty good thanks to everything I've given up for him, but then again that's just my opinion and it apparently counts for nothing the same way I do. Yeah you guessed it, I'm feeling decidedly lost and very alone despite assurances from the people that matter that I'm not. Hard to believe them actually when you're spending all your time wishing for someone to talk to, for someone to just see you, to hear you.

Futility should be my new second name I guess.

Anyway that's not what this was supposed to be about.

It was supposed to be about the lyrics that I'm about to post again.

Made me feel a little better, even if I've never felt more alone or less important to anyone.

"Never Gonna Be Alone"

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of it with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
You're never gonna be alone
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

Oh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...

Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...

You're never gonna be alone
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.

I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day,
I'm gonna be there always,
I won't be missing one more day.

Just showin some luv ! ! !

Got a LOT going on in my head and in my life actually that I'm trying to sort out without to many tears or temper tantrums. As they say this too shall pass I guess

Can't help myself

Those special people . . . . . . . .

Each stone, each bend cries welcome to him.

He identifies with the mountains and the streams,

he sees something of his own soul in the plants and

the animals and the birds of the field.

~from The Warrior of the Light

~*~

Warriors of the light are not perfect.
Their beauty lies in accepting this fact
and still desiring to grow and to learn.

~from The Warrior of the Light

Paulo Coelho

Funny, reading both of these just now brought someone very specific to mind :o)

Have you ever stood still and felt?

by
Joni Pulido

Have you ever stood still and felt

An overwhelming tenderness
A deep sorrow
Watching the world as you know it
Collapse in one great rubble?

Will you feel rage and hatred?
Will you feel compassion and care?
Will you think how you will make them pay?
Will you think how you can help them heal?

When you greet fire with fire

You make a gigantic ball
Until its big enough to topple
Everything on its way

Have you seen fire greet calm water

And meet in tranquility?
The great fire quiets as its passed
From one calming presence to another

I am not a great hero nor done any great
deeds

But this much I can be, a bearer of hope
To let the pained souls know love is possible
And maybe the great ball will quiet as its
passed

From one loving heart to another

" Friendships begin because, even without words,

we understand how someone feels"

Joan Walsh Anglund

Home

Finally got something to say

Funny, but after weeks of really having something I feel I need too say but not knowing what it was I had to say I woke up this morning knowing exactly what I had to say to someone.

Problem being that I sorta, kinda can't cause I sorta, kinda dumped his ass last week for no reason other than well yeah thats actually another story altogether suffice it to say I feel really crappy about it especially given the fact that his dad passed away less than a week later but then again you also can't be what you're not or at least that seems to be part of the lesson here anyway.

On the upside I can finally give him the explanation he asked for cause I can finally say what I needed to say.

Now if I can just sort out my knots and their relationship to someone else or finally figure out WTF it is that I'm supposed to say to him before its to late (don't ask but gut feel really is a vague ole bugger sometimes) I might actually be making progress.

Have a love and laughter filled weekend peeps ;o)

The best definition of Love I've ever read

Love is not something you do,

Love is a way of being.

And more than that.

It is simply being,

Being with another person, however they may be.

Holding no judgments, having no agendas,

No desire to control,

No need to prove your love,

No intrusion upon their soul.

Nothing but a total acceptance of their being

This one has so many potential anwers depending on the aspect of my life I feel like focusing on and they would also all be wrong because the ONLY person standing between me and happiness is

Me!

Simple Perfection

My words are failing badly today . . . . . .

The music NEVER does

Nothing to say really just...................

Silence

The Beauty of Books

Perfect

Not really a fan of Pink but this one appeals to me for some reason ;o)

Pink Perfect

Made
a wrong turn

Once or twice

Dug my way out

Blood and fire

Bad decisions

That's alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, missundaztood

Miss "no way it's all good"

It didn't slow me down

Mistaken

Always second guessing

Underestimated

Look, I'm still around...


Pretty, pretty please

Don't you ever, ever feel

Like your less than

Fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me


You're so mean

When you talk

About yourself

You are wrong

Change the voices

In your head

Make them like you

Instead

So complicated

Look how big you'll make it

Filled with so much hatred

Such a tired game

It's enough

I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons

See you same


Pretty, pretty please

Don't you ever, ever feel

Like your less than

Fuckin' perfect

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing


You're fuckin' perfect to me

The world stares while I swallow the fear

The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer

So cool in lying and I tried tried

But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, cuz they're everywhere

They don't like my genes, they don't get my hair

Stringe ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that?

Why do I do that?

Why do I do that?


Ooh, pretty pretty pretty,

Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel

Like you're less then, fuckin' perfect

Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel

Like you're nothing you're fuckin' perfect, to me

You're perfect

You're perfect

Pretty, pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less then, fucking
perfect

Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel like you're nothing you're fucking
perfect to me