Changes

I guess with all the changes in me and my life over the last year or so soul searching was inevitable. And of course soul searching is that pot holed road filled with regrets, doubt, self recrimination, meltdowns and the million other things that you don’t really want to feel or think. My road over the last few weeks has been decidedly pot holed and has had a spectacular melt down or 2. Some of it was avoidable and some was just well unpredictable and inevitable. The events that lead to my meltdown last week are so filled with regret and self recrimination that I’m surprised I bounced back as fast as I did. But the soul searching it caused has finally brought me to a point where I can admit that yes I made major mistakes with more than one person in my past and even one or 2 in my present. Yes there are people I’ve lost along the way. Yes there are people I wish I had never met, yes there are people I should have fought harder to keep and there are even people I should never have fought so hard to keep and yes I have regrets but I honestly wouldn’t have changed a single person or moment because each of them as painful as some may have been and as filled with regret as some of them are have made me the person I am, the person who is strong enough even though I myself doubt it regularly to keep on going, to stay on this path of change and growth. And to become the person I’m meant to be, able to be and going to be