Finally figured out why I'm not sleeping

"Never go to sleep Angry,

Stay Awake and plot your Revenge"

Missing Mine

I think I'm in love

Mission R2 Electric

It is said some lives are linked across time. . . . . .

That they are connected by an ancient calling
that echoes through the ages . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Optimism. . . . . . .

They say if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything so this is me keeping quiet. . . . . . . . .

More than anyone

I think I've posted these before, but the words have been floating around in my head all morning and well I think I know why now and yes I will always more than anyone.

"More Than Anyone"

Gavin De Graw

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together baby
Free together baby
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm going to love you more than anyone
I'm going to love you more than anyone

Growing I am

And the day came

when the risk to remain tight in a bud

was more painful

than the risk it took to blossom.

~Anais Nin

Came across this and it resonated somewhere deep inside, feeling the pain and it's time to grow

Intangible

"Love is the affinity which links and draws together the elements of the world..........

Love , in fact is the agent of universal synthesis"

Pierre Teilhard de Chardine

Someday

Right Brain / Left Brain

Which are you and which do you want to be???

Self

But an accurate definition of the self is impossible.

You are more than you realize,

more than you can define.

And the more time you spend trying to nail down the definition,

the less time you spend living right now. ...

Your past is not your identity...

You, living now, is your identity.

~George Lawrence-Ell (The Invisible Clock)

Everythings changing

A good day

Just a thought

"My emotions are valid.

I am beautiful and I deserve to pursue, share,

and express unconditional love, pleasure, and happiness.

I bring new love into the world.

I am empowered by love "

I found this and thought it was to good not to share :o)

I would

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;

I would be pure, for there are those who care;

I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;

I would be brave, for there is much to dare.

I would be friend of all—

the foe, the friendless;

I would be giving, and forget the gift;

I would be humble, for I know my weakness;

I would look up, and laugh, and love and lift.

howard arnold walter - 1906

Just a random cute hug related picture

Ever felt like a piece is missing??
Personally it feels like I've lost my box . . . . . . . .

Yes it is

In hard times we learn 3 things

Friends are closer than we knew they could be,

Family loves us more than we thought and

we are far stronger than even we imagined.

Strangely simalar to something a wise friend once told me

and I'm finally starting to believe well some of it anyway ;o)

Yeah, well, no, NO ACTUALLY FINE!!!!!

Seems I'm losing another one of my battles and some of my more self destructive demons are back with a vengance thanks to a phone call from a so called "concerned" family member.
She said nothing I hadn't heard before and knowing some of the people in my life at the moment they're things I'm likely to hear again sooner rather than later.
I'm bitterly disappointed in myself though, I thought I'd beaten this particular demon into a state of semi submission but obviously not. It seems these particular wounds go far deeper than I had anticipated/realised.
It still amazes me that people can and will so deliberately say things to others that they know are designed to hurt, undermine and basically destroy the other persons self esteem, moral and self confidence, I don't know why though I seem to be on the receiving end more often than not. *shrug*
What didn't surprise me though is the reaction of one of my friends.
I don't know what I'd do without him, he always knows how to put the pieces back together when I'm this broken, what does surprise me though although I guess it shouldn't anymore is that he sees through me so easily, that he sees the hurt before I do sometimes and that he always seems to know what to say to me when I'm in tiny pieces to get the gluing back together process started. His is the one voice that seems to sink in and that I hear although he probably thinks I'm stone deaf because he keeps having to repeat himself.
Thank the stars that he keeps repeating himself though because what he said yesterday (well Friday actually) has finally started to sink in.
I'm finally realising that I need to cut these so called "concerned" friends and family loose because they very obviously getting off on pulling me down and smashing the fragile foundations I'm building in some way.
So yes I have out the glue and I'm slowly putting the pieces together again this weekend, but this time I found the super smart friend glue and this stuff is apparently guaranteed to work, so I have a feeling that next time I wont be just as easy to break, since I'm finally hearing what someone's been telling me for ages now it's not me who has the issue with who and what I am it's them and I don't need to deal with it they do. From here on out I will be doing my damdest to turn a deaf ear to them when they try to break me and will be listening only to those that see me and not who they want me to be.
Thanks my friend I owe you one..................................................again ;o)

Don't have much to say except maybe

To one and all

You Can

If you think you are beaten, you are,

If you think you dare not, you don't,

If you like to win, but you think you can't,

It's almost a cinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you've lost,

For out in the world you find

Success begins with a fellow's will;

It's all in the state of mind.

For many a race is lost

Ere ever a step is run;

And many a coward fails

Ere ever his work's begun.

Think big and your deeds will grow,

Think small and you'll fall behind,

Think that you can and you will;

It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are,

You've got to think high to rise,

You've got to be sure of yourself before

You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go

To the stronger or faster man,

But sooner or later, the man who wins,

Is the fellow who knows, "I can."

~ C. W. Longenecker ~

R.I.P my friend

At the risk of repeating myself DON'T put off telling the people you care about how you feel. You wont know it's to late till it is. Aunty Sandy, Roxanne, Roger, Wolfie, Michael you're my thoughts and prayers.

Blank pages

Just found this and it seemed so appropriate. I've just filled my first page in the most unexpected way and for that I'm grateful. I hope to fill each of the next 364 pages the same way.

My challenge to myself, care to join me????

Ok, so I hadn't intended to post again today but I came across the above picture which imo is pretty well pretty and I wanted to share it and then I came across the quote below and since that pretty much sums up my only resolution for this year I thought I'd share it with you all and challenge each and every one of you to just be you this year, hang what other people want or expect you to be, do yourself a favour and just be yourself.

Every new year people make resolutions to change aspects of themselves they believe are negative. A majority of people revert back to how they were before and feel like failures. This year I challenge you to a new resolution. I challenge you to just be yourself.

~Aisha Elderwynv

A new year, a new me................well hopefully

I thought I'd start the year with something a little more positive, even though I'm dying to rant and rave about the evils of fireworks and what they do to innocent pets on nights like tonight.

I've had a rather tumultus year or so, couldn't seem to find my feet, much less anything else most of the time. There where deaths, new jobs started and ended, use and abuse, friendships that ended, relationships that changed, some for the better some, well lets not dwell shall we. But in spite of all that I came out the other side and in one piece. Pretty impressive even if I say so myself.

But thats not actually what this is about. This is about the fact that I'm finally finding me again. I'm finally starting to believe that maybe just maybe anything is possible and I haven't believed that for a very long time.

It's also about those people who despite it all have been there for me, who have cried when I cried, ranted when I ranted, been my shoulder to cry on when I needed one, been the hand to hold when I lacked courage, who reminded me to breathe when I got side tracked and who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. You know who you are and I couldn't have done it without you.

I'm looking forward, I'm working on fixing the hurts in my past and putting them behind me thereby puttin myself back together, I'm even trying really hard to make peace with the things and people I know I can't change and with that in mind maybe it's a really good time to remember something that my gran always used to use on us when we bitched and moaned about something not going our way.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Ok, ok she never used the whole thing on us, just the first part, but I thought it was a beautiful way to start the new year, sort of a reminder that we need to let go sometimes and go with the flow and see where it takes us. You never know it could be better than you ever expected.

Here's hoping that 2011 is a better one for us all and yes I'm stealing from a friend again but may it also be filled with peace and love