A million tiny pieces

I have the strangest feeling deep down in me this morning, it's almost as if, although I know there is SO MUCH RIGHT in my life, there is just something that is so very wrong, so very broken.
It's a feeling that I've only had a time or two before and it scares me because I know where it leads and I'm terrified of being in that dark solitude, hidden from the light again because I know just how hard and long I'm going to have to fight before I see the light again and yet I think deep down I knew it was inevitable that I would be here. That I would be dealing with this again, dealing with things I had thought long dead and buried but that where only hidden and not as dead or as buried as I had hoped. Things that a couple of twists of fatein the last few months that I had no control over brought back.
H3ll I think I can even pinpoint the events that started this descent into pain, into despair, into my own personal form of Hades.
The problem is that these are things that I have kept secret, things that I've hidden from everyone, even those closest to me and now I have no idea where to go.
Instinctively I think know where I need to go, even where I want to go but it means I'm going to have to trust. I know that I'm going to have share and I know that I'm going to have to relinquish my hold on these things but in doing this, in trusting again I'm going to be giving one person the power to destroy me if they are ever so inclined and I am not sure I'm prepared or ready to allow anyone that type of power over me again even though I know I have to, since thats how I ended up here in the first place. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .