Fondly sad

Have you ever tried to avoid something only to be faced with it at every turn????

Well I'm having one of those days, you see today would have been, no rephrase that, is Chris's birthday and I started the day trying really hard to forget that fact, for no other reason than, well I just didn't want to feel the sadness again.
But as they say about the road to hell and good intentions.
Yes all my good intentions had gone to h3ll by 6h05, I'd forgotten to delete the birthday reminder on my phone (head slaps required for that one) and then of course to make it worse my facebook calander also had to remind me, not that I remember adding his birthday, but obviously somewhere along the line I did and the of coure just to make sure I got it his mom phoned to find out how I was doing, and sent me from okish to cr@ppy in 10 seconds flat.
I got to the point where I was surfing all over the net just to keep myself from thinking, the memories though won this round. It's funny though, even though I feel the sadness, the memories have made me feel closer to him.
I remembered the night we both got so drunk that we took turns throwing up and he proved to be such a gentleman about it to, holding my hair while he could hardly stand. The first night we spent together because after working 48hrs straight my place was closer and I only had one bed. The day he phoned me to tell me he had become a father and how excited he'd been. The night he cried himself to sleep in my arms when his parents split up. His excitement about being accepted by the airforce. The first time he kissed me and then wouldn't look at me because he thought he'd gone to far. The first time we went on a "date" and never even got out the front door. The morning he phoned me in ready to commit murder because he'd just found out his wife was leaving him for another man. That phone call to say he was gone.
Not all the memories are pleasant but they are all special.
They reminded me just how big a part of my life he had actually been.
And so even though it is sad and thinking about him hurts I guess it was a good thing I forgot the reminder on my phone because I have a feeling it may have hurt more not to remember him.

So yes Chris I do remember you fondly as you asked and I always will.