Lessons

After my realisation about myself on Friday and the appearance of what seemed to be the start of my way back from the darkness I've been inhabiting for the last little while, life has seen fit to throw even more cr@p at me and I'm back to feeling more than a little like I can't and quite frankly don't want to go on. I've reached my breaking point in more than one way or at least that's how it feels right now. I know everyone will say I'm supposed to learn from this and I wish I knew what the h3ll it was that I'm supposed to be learning because I really don't see anything of value coming from what I'm going through right now. But then who am I to say whether there is or isn't a lesson to be learned or even whether I'm learning it :(

I found these lyrics that I wanted to post. They where going to be part of a far more positive post I wanted to write about what it is that I've realised about myself and the fact that I've finally learnt that loving doesn't make me weak and needy but rather powerful and able to give of myself without losing myself as I had in the past. That post has been canned for now since I feel anything but powerful and quite frankly I feel very weak and very needy and in desperate need of some form of love and acknowledgement from someone, anyone and yes I even wish I could lose that little bit of myself that is suddenly becoming self aware because I'm very aware of the fact that I want to disappear again. I have decided to post the lyrics though because they no, actually I'm going to post them just because I like them and want to be back where I was when I first found them on Friday:(

Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.