Into the Abyss

It's been an odd few days.
I have gone from being on top of the world, positive that the worst was over to wishing to all the gods it would all just be over.
In some ways I'm very glad that I've been alone.
And yet alone is just about the very last thing I really want to be.
I seem to have lost control of everything including my emotions and
EVERYTHING is just to much for me.
I have pulled the covers up over my head and cut off the world in a way
that I haven't for a very, very long time.
I'm so far into this deep, dark corner of mine.
I haven't answered my phone in days,
my email is piling up and if it was you knocking today
I guess you know I'm ignoring the door as well.
A complete and utter shut out of the outside world and descent into darkness.
And quite frankly I don't know if I have any inclination to even think about looking for the light.
Nothing seems to be able to hold my attention,
and the quiet and darkness are almost comforting.
Everything I've seen or heard today seems to have something to say to me
and yet what it is I can't figure out.
Nothing is making any sense.
Although the 2 things that do stand out are the lyrics that I posted earlier
and a line from Short Circut which I haven't seen in probably 10 years,
OK actually it's only 2 words
"Disassemble DEAD"
And the highlight of my day,
I got to stand out in the rain and cry
and not have to answer questions about why,
because honestly I have no idea.
I'd say here is to hoping tomorrow is a better day
but I'm certainly not holding my breath. . . . . . . . . . . .