Drowning

Going Under Lyrics
Artist(Band):Evanescence

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
50 thousand tears I've cried.
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me.
(going under)
Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself.
Maybe I'll wake up for once (wake up for once)
Not tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I've died again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through
I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies.
(So I don't know what's real)
(So I don't know what's real and what's not)
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can't trust myself anymore

I've died again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I've...

So run and scream
Scream at me I'm so far away (so far away)
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe I can't keep going under

I've died again

I'm going under (going under)
Drowning in you (drowning in you)
I'm falling forever (falling forever)
I've got to break through

I'm going under (going under)
I'm going under (drowning in you)
I'm going under

It will never stop amazing me how a song that I've heard time and again and not paid any attention to will suddenly at that one moment when I need it filter through.

As you no doubt have noticed I'm in a really bad place at the moment and I truly feel like I'm drowning in my own life, that I'm literally "going under".

I have no one that I'm fighting this fight for or with, I am only fighting for and with myself which makes it all the more difficult because I have the ability to take everything that is good in my life and turn it bad in my mind. I am in fact my own worst enemy.

I learnt years ago that I wasn't good enough and would never amount to anything and though the bearer of that sentiment is long gone the scars that he inflicted on my heart, my mind and my soul have remained. And it doesn't take very much to bring it all back and make me start undermining myself and my confidence again. So much has happened lately that has left me feeling all the things that I was told I am that it never took much of a leap to start believing them again and to let these things start to steal me from myself. It actually scares me just how easy it was this time. So now I'm fighting to get myself back but I feel like something in me has broken this time and I'm not sure how to go about finding the broken pieces or how to go about putting them back together again.

I do however know 2 things for sure. 1 That I am worth saving and I'm in this to save myself and 2 that I am blessed even when I feel I'm not.

So I guess this is me taking that first step to saving myself because I can finally acknowledge that I know what some of the problem is and I can start taking baby steps to finding and fixing me and I'd like to believe that maybe now I'm finally ready to fix me properly.