Strange, sad, loooooooooooong weekend

Ok so I'm posting all sorts of things today, seems my lack of focus has carried over from the weekend..........

It was a very wierd weekend for me in so many ways.

I had no plans.........not one.........I hadn't even volunteered for something I really wanted to be involved with because I knew how hard this weekend was going to be for my brother and just ocassionally I do get my priorities right ......... you see it was his birthday yesterday and we where supposed to be celebrating his now aborted engagement on Saturday, so I was expecting to be dealing with the sulking, sad brother I'd had for the last 2 weeks and here is the strange.........not the slightest bit of the sulking, sadness I was expecting.....well at least not until the ex contacted him yesterday afternoon anyway. He took himself off to Liberty on Saturday and left me alone which is where the wierd started.....

There has been so much going on in the last few weeks that I have managed to basically ignore a lot of what I have been feeling but now I had nowhere to hide, no brother to worry about, no friend with a crisis I had to help with, no boss having a melt down, no chores left to do, silly me thought it was a good idea to do them all Friday night, not a single distraction ...... nothing ....... just me alone and time to kill. So I decided to take myself off and get a start on doing all my birthday shopping since May is my nightmare month and I was still looking for that something for my brother ........ that was my first mistake, the only person I seemed to be able find anything for is the one person I am not going to be buying anything for ....... an hour later I gave up and went home ....... mistake number two ....... now I was alone and thinking ....... bad move because that led to my usual desperate attempt to distract myself ....... repacking cupboards and drawers. You would think that would be harmless and you would be so wrong, you see I came across a box and in that box was another little box that was given to my brother and I when our mom passed away. I had never opened this box, yes I knew what was in it and recieving it had meant the world to me but I had just never had the nerve to open it and actually look at
it ...... And here comes the sad ........ I decided to open the box ........ and there nestled in it's little bed of cotton wool was the Think Bike Marshall's badge ....... you wouldn't think something that I see regularly on one of the forums could have such an effect on me but it did ......... I finally get what people mean when they say they had the wind knocked out their sails .......