Dandelions and Tears

I had the strangest experience this morning but for it to make sense I have to tell you about a conversation I had with someone a while ago.

In short the conversation was about how people waste money on symbolic gestures like R400 bunches of red roses for Valentines day and boxes of chocolates at christmas and yet the rest of the year they can barely stand each others company. I made a comment then about a flower stolen from a nieghbours garden meaning more and that to me a dandelion would mean more than what any red rose ever would. Well since then I've been looking for dandelions and haven't seen any (yes silly me wanted to make a silly symbolic gesture).

That was till this morning, I took a different route to work today and there as I came round the corner on the pavement was what could only be described as a mass of dandelions just waiting to be picked and be given symbolic or otherwise. I smiled at the time but by the time I got to work I couldn't stop the tears.

I have no idea why I'm crying, it certainly isn't because of the symolism because I'm pretty sure the person I had that conversation with knows just how special he was and still is to me. It certainly isn't for what has happened recently because the decisions that where made have done nothing but increase the respect I have for him and my belief that he is a special person even if no one else sees it. Maybe the tears are for him and what he is going through and the knowledge that as much as I want to be there for him I can't be. Maybe the tears are for everything else I have lost this last little while, maybe they are for my Dad who would have turned 67 last Friday or my Mom who loved the cool crisp mornings and changing leaves (something else I noticed this morning) or maybe they are just a silly girl thing.

Whatever they are and whatever they are for, they have reminded me that as much as I pretend to be this tough girl who couldn't care I'm not really her. I'm actually glad for them because they reminded me I am alive and that I do feel and that is so much part of what makes life exciting.

And yes I will be going home the same way this afternoon and I will be stopping and picking at least one of those dandelions just to keep as a reminder that I need to let the people I care about know because in most cases they will be gone far to soon.