Timing

“What do you do when your world crumbles and you know that only a miracle can save you??? I’m standing on a ledge that is crumbling SO fast and I no longer believe in miracles!!!!!!”

I wrote this on Monday evening just before I left the office, intending to finish it on Tuesday morning. Mostly because I knew what was coming and yet I never posted it or finished the post till this morning and it turned into a post about my whole week, a week I had been dreading and would love to have avoided at all cost.

And yet........

the week actually went rather well. So much has happened though that I don’t quite know what to make of any of it. As you can see I was in a bad place on Monday. In fact it was such a bad place that I had made up my mind to walk away from the only thing I thought I had left that meant anything to me. And yet I didn’t. I have no idea what stopped me but for some reason I just couldn’t do it. Tuesday was a little better, although I did realise that hanging on to something that isn’t working anymore really is just delaying the inevitable, so I guess I’m letting go of one more thing. It’s going to be hard because it was good while it worked but it makes for one less thing for me to mess up later on and at least I have a few weeks to get used to the idea of losing in this case. For the first time in my life I actually appreciate overseas business trips. Tuesday however did have an upside in the form of someone I met. Yes it turns out the universe has a brilliant sense of timing after all, even if it is perverse occasionally. Wednesday was a good day despite all that was going on, I realised disappointment is going to be par for the course that is my life and I guess fighting it is just going to set me up for more. Disappointment that is. On Thursday I finally remembered what it felt like to laugh. It feels like it’s been forever since I laughed even though it’s only been a couple of months. I had actually started to doubt that anyone ever would be able to make me laugh like that again and I also realised just how much I missed it. The less I say about Friday the better, between the tears and laughter I’m not sure my sanity actually survived. There are days that I wonder why I bother to give a damn about anyone or anything and Friday definitely was one of those. And yet I still managed to score pretty big for the very thing I was walking away from on Monday and I may actually have managed despite my state and myself to save myself as well. Perverse timing I tell you. The weekend was no surprise really, just more of the same but I survived and hopefully I will get through this week in more or less one piece as well. The prospect of all the time alone in the ccoming 2 weeks is definitely a HUGE incentive.