Me, rambling again :P

"We cannot do great things; only small things with great love. Mother Teresa"

This has always been a favourite quote of mine and for some reason today it has been playing on my mind along with a couple of other things that I didn't realise till this evening are all inter connected.

It's one of those quotes that has so much to do with who we are as "humans" and how we live our lives though and it was what started today's little stroll into who I am.

We all at some stage believe we can achieve "great" things and that maybe greatness is our destiny or so I'm lead to believe.

I have however never felt that way, I can honestly say that I have lived my life feeling inadequate and incapable of anything "big". In short not good enough.

A perception of myself that was enforced over the years, first by my father and his utter disregard for me even though I loved him unconditionally and wanted nothing more than his approval. Then by my mother, although I don't think she ever realised that her complete devotion to my brother and his needs and her claims that I was doing OK so I didn't need her made me feel that way.

I of course followed this up with a series of bad relationships all of which in someway further eroded my belief in myself and my abilities.

I've even been made to believe that my ability to love makes me a lesser human, that it makes me less worthy and a failure because I have failed again by not putting myself first by loving someone. Which has of course lead to me pulling away from those I love for the simple reason that I don't need to be reminded that I'm not good enough again since it's something I already know.

Today though I realised that it is precisely that ability to love that is my greatest achievement. I may not achieve great things through science, the pursuit of world peace or any of those other "important" things. But by loving those who are part of my life and who are important to me and giving myself and all I have to them without question or condition and fighting for them and what I see in them, I am making a difference in my own small way. I haven't quiet figured out how I'm making that difference yet but I'm certain I am and guess what I going to keep loving and keep giving and keep fighting because I'm finally realising that I'm good enough to do just that and so much more. So my small things that I do out of love are my first steps to my very own form of greatness.