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Have you ever wanted to tell someone something so badly but also known that as soon as you say the words everything between you will change, that nothing can or will ever be the same between you again???

I feel that way at the moment and worse than that not with one but rather three different people. And then I wonder why I feel like I’m losing my grip. Well I’ve decided to tighten my grip and say what I want to here knowing full well that not one of these people know about this blog or is ever likely to read it. I know that it pretty much defeat’s the purpose but maybe if I get it all out I’ll be able to deal and move forward.

Firstly to my brother, for heaven’s sake grow up. I am not here to clean up after you, I am not here to cook and clean for you and I am not here to bow to your every whim and demand. Don’t you get it I’m your sister NOT your mother, your wife or your maid. I have a life of my own and am entitled to just as much if not more freedom as you are. Our lives are a two way street and it’s time you start to give a little of what you take. I have looked after you for so long I’d forgotten myself well no more, it’s my turn from here on out you pull your weight or you get the hell out. I am not carrying the load alone a minute longer.

To the man I love, yes what a fool I’ve been I know but after nearly 9 years it’s time to let you go. I finally get it. I may feel it and may have wanted it, everyone else may see it but you never will, you’re so damn oblivious, you don’t even see that you’re losing the one thing you claim to be looking for and it’s been under your nose all along. I’m finished I can’t do it anymore, I can’t wait for you to realise what you have. I wont waste another moment trying to read what you say to me or the way you react to the threat of there being other men in my life. Yes we’ve all seen that as well and I’m walking away. I may lose one of my best friends but to bad I’m not letting you hold me back and stop me becoming who I am becoming just because you are to blind to see what you’ve had all along

To my boss, stop being such a bloody control freak, I know my job, I’m capable of doing it without you holding my hand and checking up on me every five minutes. So either trust me to do what you appointed me to do or tell me to go. Your micro managing every second of my time is not funny and it isn’t going to inspire me or make me work any harder quite the contrary actually. Rather take a look at your other staff who aren’t bringing in sales even though that was what they where appointed to do and get paid for and leave me the hell alone to do what I’m doing, it’s making you money and keeping your bills paid. And for the last time what I do after hours has absolutely NOTHING to do with you and as such who I spend my time with and what their beliefs etc are has less than zero to do with you. And just so there is no misunderstanding it you will NEVER meet any of them no matter what their intentions.

So go ahead call me selfish, self centred, self absorbed and all the other things you want to call me. It’s not like I haven’t heard them before and wont hear them again from you and others. Go ahead tell me again how I never give, the only reason I don’t is because there is nothing left to give, you lot have already taken it all. It may hurt but guess what it’s only going to make me more determined to make the changes and become who I’m working on becoming. Like it or not it’s my turn now and it’s time I look out for me and if that means losing you to bad, I may not want to live without you but I will learn to if I have to.

And lastly to the one person who gets me, yes you know who you are. I just want to say that I would willingly trade the lifetime of what I’ve had with these others, for the time we have spent chatting. Never mind anything else and I hope that someday I’ll be able to be there for you the way you have been there for me. In fact I look forward to being able to give to you the way you have given to me. Thank you.

So from here on out I’m going to live my life by my rules, love those I love and hopefully learn the lessons I’m supposed to without to many repeats and if I have my way there will be a lot more laughter then there has been till now.