Boxes, boxes, boxes

Boxes of ornaments, boxes of linen, boxes of shoes, boxes of stuff. Boxes, that’s all a life eventually amounts to.

Since losing my mother 14 months ago most of her things have been in boxes in storage. Boxes I’ve gone to visit occasionally when I needed to find something. Boxes that I haven’t had the nerve to start sorting. I finally decided to take the plunge so to speak recently, so off I went to the storage locker and collected a few boxes. These stood in a corner in my flat staring at me, taunting me, daring me until last night. I was in a really strange place, I was alone not by choice but because none of the men in my life where available.

So I finally opened the first box……..shoes………… yes a box full of shoes, the majority of which have never even been worn, you see my mom had a thing for shoes. Even though she had a favourite few pairs that she wore constantly, she was always on the look out for the next favourite pair. There was also no method to how she picked them or at least none that I was able to establish from looking through the shoes as they came out the box. Some where practical walking shoes, some where cute girly shoes and some well the only word for them is impractical and yes there was even a pair of trusty takkies. Then of course the where the colours, pink, red, grape, blue and even black & white check. I of course can’t wear half of them and the others, well lets just say they are not my style. So now I sit with a box of shoes that I have no use for and no one to give them to, well not as yet anyway. I thought unpacking the boxes would make me sad and possibly even morbid but strange as my next statement is going to sound I actually feel better in a strange way. You see my mom used to love shoe shopping and unpacking the box actually reminded me just how much fun we used to have traipsing from shop to shop looking for the exact pair of shoes she was looking for at the time. Her excitement when she eventually found what she was looking for was always so contagious as well and I couldn’t help but enjoying these shopping trips with her. So yes there are days I miss her intensely.

There are times I wish she was here to talk to, sometimes she was the only voice of reason in my insane life. And I even miss the shopping trips but I’m sure she is shopping up a storm in the shoe shops wherever she is today. And just in case you where wondering …… no matter what I do with all the others there is one pair of extremely impractical shoes that I will be keeping even if I never wear them at least a bit of my mom will always be with me. Heels to you mom, I miss you.