Fuzzy

Yep, that's how I'm feeling this morning all fuzzy round the edges.

On day 5 of nearly no sleep, last night was a totally no sleeper. Gees, get your mind out of the gutter over there that is NOT the reason, I wouldn't be complaining if it was dammit. I'm so damn exhausted I'm starting to think the sleep gods hate me but I digress.

This is actually at some point meant to be about the fuzzy round the edges that I'm feeling.Yes I'm exhausted and yes it may be related but I prefer to think its more along the lines of that this journey of mine is finally starting to bear the right kind of fruit.

I'm finally starting to put my foot down to people who have walked all over me my whole life, I'm finally starting to understand that as horrible and panic attack inducing as things are at the moment they're actually coming to a head and that things are finally shifting for me. Yes I'm taking 2 steps forward and 1 back on most days but that's still a step further forward than I was the day before.

Enter the fuzzy round the edges feeling.

To me it sort of feels like I'm one of those pencil drawings we used to do as kids where you used the pencil point on its side to get the almost smokey effect with the lines and then would go back and define the lines later with a solid line sometimes in pencil so it could be changed or sometimes if you were sure what you had was what you wanted, straight over to the felt tip and permanence.

Yeah I was a strange kid to so sue me :oP

Anyway what I think I'm trying to say in my usual eloquent have no idea where this is going kind of way is, it feels to me that I'm in that smokey undefined place right now and that I'm slowly starting to fill in all the solid lines, some I'm lucky with like finding the angel that's being my rock through this, that line is pretty fixed and felt tip penned in already but some of them I'm still experimenting with and they may need to be erased and redrawn a couple more times before I get out the felt tips and make them permanent.

Guess what I'm saying is I'm a work in progress but I'm finally starting to LIKE my progress.

Love, light, laughter and time in the sun to everyone ;o)