Seems I'm losing another one of my battles and some of my more self destructive demons are back with a vengance thanks to a phone call from a so called "concerned" family member.
She said nothing I hadn't heard before and knowing some of the people in my life at the moment they're things I'm likely to hear again sooner rather than later.
I'm bitterly disappointed in myself though, I thought I'd beaten this particular demon into a state of semi submission but obviously not. It seems these particular wounds go far deeper than I had anticipated/realised.
It still amazes me that people can and will so deliberately say things to others that they know are designed to hurt, undermine and basically destroy the other persons self esteem, moral and self confidence, I don't know why though I seem to be on the receiving end more often than not. *shrug*
What didn't surprise me though is the reaction of one of my friends.
I don't know what I'd do without him, he always knows how to put the pieces back together when I'm this broken, what does surprise me though although I guess it shouldn't anymore is that he sees through me so easily, that he sees the hurt before I do sometimes and that he always seems to know what to say to me when I'm in tiny pieces to get the gluing back together process started. His is the one voice that seems to sink in and that I hear although he probably thinks I'm stone deaf because he keeps having to repeat himself.
Thank the stars that he keeps repeating himself though because what he said yesterday (well Friday actually) has finally started to sink in.
I'm finally realising that I need to cut these so called "concerned" friends and family loose because they very obviously getting off on pulling me down and smashing the fragile foundations I'm building in some way.
So yes I have out the glue and I'm slowly putting the pieces together again this weekend, but this time I found the super smart friend glue and this stuff is apparently guaranteed to work, so I have a feeling that next time I wont be just as easy to break, since I'm finally hearing what someone's been telling me for ages now it's not me who has the issue with who and what I am it's them and I don't need to deal with it they do. From here on out I will be doing my damdest to turn a deaf ear to them when they try to break me and will be listening only to those that see me and not who they want me to be.
Thanks my friend I owe you one..................................................again ;o)
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