Beginnings and Endings

Someone I know updated her facebook status with the line "every new beginning is another beginnings ending" the other day, I normally don't take note of these because the only thing I really use facebook for is to keep in touch with a few buddies overseas (yeah, yeah I know email and all that but facebook is just easier in some cases ok) but for some reason this update stuck and tonight it finally clicked, I finally got it and here it is. Well my version anyway.

It's been a cr@ppy year so far, a year filled with nothing but endings or at least it seems that way to me. I've lost more than one friend to tragic circumstances, I've lost a lover, I've lost a friend who was a lover, I've lost someone I loved at all the wrong times, I've lost friends that I now realise I wish I'd never had in the first place and I've lost a job that by the end I hated anyway because I was SO bored. That in my opinion is a heck of a lot of endings and loss but it wasn't until tonight that I actually realised that all those losses have opened the doors for beginnings and hopefully that realisation is the beginning of my turn around and me clawing my way back from the darkness that has enveloped me so completely for the last few months.

I've been so focused on the negative and the dark in my life that I've been over looking the good and that stops now. I'm going to do my damdest to stay focused on the beginnings and let the endings go. I know it's not going to be easy, I've been so overwhelmed and freaked out that I have all but lost (bad choice of word perhaps :P ) my ability to find the joy in most things. But as of now I will be making a concerted effort to concentrate on the good and focus on making the best of the beginnings I have in front of me right now and I'm choosing to believe that the endings are over and the beginnings are just the beginning of bigger and better things :)