:)

Push Me To The Floor

And don't stand next to me
And think it comes so easy
I am not your toy
Cause you think love is something
You .... just a tool
To make it allright

Push me to the floor
Don't give up until I'm begging you for more
I'll be thinking of the time
I felt inspired

Don't stand next to me
I'll love the smell of extacy
It makes me feel inspired
Cause you think love is like a
Sunrise up against you somehow
you are always right

Push me to the floor
Don't give up until I begging you for more
I'll be thinking of the time
I felt inspired

Push me to the floor
Make me think that you're the one that I adore
Till the morning we will be as if
We're meant to be

And your word is worthless
And when it ... someone elses cast
... appreciate it
When we sleep stuff comes to fast

Push me to the floor
Don't give up until I begging you for more
I'll be thinking of the time
I felt inspired

Push me to the floor
Make me think that you're the one that I adore
Till the morning we will be as if
We're meant to be

Push me to the floor

I'll be thinking of the time
I felt inspired

Toy Run 2009

"It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow."
Robert H. Goddard

Toy Run in a nutshell :) I have a few pics I'll post a little later as well as a post that I wrote sitting in the desserted main hall at just after 4am yesterday. It was an amazing day and I just want to say a HUGE thank you to everyone involved. Whether you're on the committee, a volunteer on the day, a biker or a member of the public that attended. Every single one of you made a difference in the life of a child.

Giggle

The Star card suggests that my alter ego today is theGoddess, whose superpower for rising to the occasion lies in my innate ability for inspiration. I will pursue my dreams and what makes me happy -- life's too short. I will allow time for me today. I may even get my fifteen minutes of fame by seeking recognition from others and striving to sparkle in the limelight. I am immortal! Sometimes it's better to burn out than just fade away. Find your cosmic groove, and go for it!

Find your happiness

"Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."

Robert G. Ingersol

Beginnings and Endings

"White Flag"

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

"Lost For Words"

If I can't find the words...

Waiting for this feeling
That I'm drowning in to subside
You make me swim like a beginner
Like I'm new at life
All these words don't come easy
No they always seem to stop
There is awkward silence yeah
Anytime we talk

Oh but I wanna let it in
I wanna ease all your doubts
I keep trying to get it out

But if I can't find the words
To tell you what I'm feeling
Baby that don't mean
It don't mean that I don't feel it
I'm trying to tell you girl
But if you don't believe just look and see
My face says what you mean to me
When I can't find the words

I know I can send you flowers
To try to make my feelings clear
And girl I could hold you tight for hours
I wanna tell you what you're trying to hear

Oh and I wanna let it in
I wanna ease all your doubts
I keep trying to get it out

But if I can't find the words
To tell you what I'm feeling
Baby that don't mean
It don't mean that I don't feel it
I'm trying to tell you girl
But if you don't believe just look and see
My face says what you mean to me
When I can't find the words

But I know sometimes I leave you so upset
Cos I got all these bits and pieces in my head
I know because I let you struggle with the things I haven't said

When I can't find the words
When I can't find the words
When I, when I, when I can't find the words
I wanna ease all your doubts (ease all your doubts)
I keep trying to get it out

But if I can't find the words
To tell you what I'm feeling
But baby that don't mean
It don't mean that I don't feel it
I'm trying to tell you girl
But if you don't believe just look and see

My smile says what you mean to me
When I can't find the words
If I can't find the words

I guess we're growing :P

"The self is not something ready-made, but something in continuous formation through choice of action."

John Dewey

Hahahahaha

The Knight of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in passion. Pursuing and expressing my hearts desire honors my love, passion, and beauty and is worth waiting, courting or crusading for. What I lack in external means, qualification or ability, I make up for with a true and dedicated heart. I am not a victim therefore I do not need to be rescued. I am empowered by patience or self-worth and my gift is emotional availability and devotion.

Sometimes these cards really make me laugh, not because they're so far wrong but more because sometimes they're uncannily correct

Why I do Toy Run

"You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it's a little thing, do something for others - something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it."

Albert Schweitze

I'm still learning

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision."

:P

Ok, it's not quite my peaceful, serene and magical moon of this evening but I couldn't resist finding a pic and this one although it doesn't do tonight's moon justice does try :P

Serene Magic

It's been a strange evening. I had a meeting that went on and on and on although it was to be expected I guess, we are after all only 6 days away from the biggest day of our year and the culmination of 9 months of work. But that's not what this post is about, it's about something totally different. It's actually about 2 things really, this sudden sense of peace I have, this feeling that everything is going to be ok and about about how amazingly beautiful mother nature can be.

Driving home from the meeting this evening, the roads where deserted for a change. Jhb's infamous road works even seemed to have taken a night off which left me to stare out the window while my brother did the driving. A glance heavenward revealed the most amazing moon , it was clear and visible like I haven't seen in ages with just one pin prick star for company.

My first thought wasn't funnily enough of how beautiful it was, actually no I think the word would be serene or even magical but rather of someone I knew who would appreciate it probably more than I did. My second thought was I really wish I had a camera right now. Sadly there was no camera so there is no pic :( and by the time I got home and got the camera, the whole picture had changed and the magic seemed lost which was actually quite sad really because it's a moment I'll never capture again.

The second thing that struck me this evening was as I said this sense of peace and a feeling that everything is going to be ok. I don't know if it's related to the moon and the serenity it seemed to have or if it's totally unrelated but it definetly is nice to feel this way for a change. ............ I hope it lasts

Act

Life

Words of wisdom

"Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness."

George Sand

Never stop trying

Life's too short

:P

I'm not sure if I should giggle or evil grin this one :P

"Practice is the best of all instructors." Publilius Syrus

Dawn

Another day

Alone

Together

Passion

Power

Love

Hate

Discontent

Fear

When

If

Caring

Never

Forever

Again

Magic

"An idea can turn to dust or magic, depending on the talent that rubs against it."

Bill Bernbach

:)

Our mutual losses or experience deserve to be acknowledged or remembered with dignity, honor, and respect even as we regroup to move forward. I am willing to work on forgiveness and letting go of the past in order to find peace. It's time to give it a rest. I am empowered by stillness and my virtue is silence.

WTF!!!!

I wrote this last Saturday morning but never posted it because I couldn't get online, I wasn't going to share it because I'm not very proud of what I was thinking and who it made me but I decided this morning that it was a part of me that I could actually share and maybe even be proud of after all, because in a small way it shows just how far I've really come

"My life has become one viscous circle after another it seems.

Not only am I exhausted and not sleeping which is pretty much becoming par for the course for me but I seem to be back on the people roller coaster.

Months ago I stopped seeing someone because of how he made me feel. I left almost every encounter feeling unworthy, unloveable and basically unhappy and there was just no spark which is in sharp contrast to what I have with someone else. Walking away wasn't difficult and forgetting was even easier. So tell me what the h3ll I'm doing even considering his plea for a second chance???? He's all the things I should want, he's a lot of the things I need but I feel nothing for him and yet I'm still considering it and that scares me.

Am I becoming that girl who I've been fighting so hard to get away from, that girl I've never wanted to be? That girl my mother wanted me to be? The girl who settles just because it's safe.........

Am I ready to give up on myself and my happiness and who I'm becoming and settle for being made to feel all those things I hate again. Do I put my brief moments spent with someone who makes me happy and leaves me content aside for long drawn out moments of unhappiness and discontent, do I put aside excitement and passion for boring and well boring, do I put aside someone I care about just because it's complicated for someone I thought I could care about but eventually didn't, do I put aside shared interests for nothing in common, do I put aside learning and exploring who I am and can be for a rut, do I put aside myself and become nothing again???

I don't know, it seems an easy answer when I put it like that. I have so much to lose if I do, do this, not least of which is myself and the chance to be who I'm meant to be and yet I've been considering it...........................WTF!!!!!!!! "

You'll be glad (well maybe) to know that since then I had those moments, yes the ones I still can't get in a straight enough line to put on "paper" and share. And they made me realise that I'm no longer that person, the person who can settle for something she doesn't want even if it appears to be the thing I need. I have decided I don't under any circumstances want to lose me or who I'm becoming and I'm in this fight till the end to become the me I'm meant to be. I've spent nearly a year now making strides forward and even a few backwards, but I can honestly say that for the first time in a very long time even though things are a little bumpy right now I'm glad to be me.

Return to innocence Enigma

Love - Devotion

Feeling - Emotion

.

Don't be afraid to be weak

Don't be too proud to be strong

Just look into your heart my friend

That will be the return to yourself

The return to innocence

.

The return to innocence

.

If you want, then start to laugh

If you must, then start to cry

Be yourself don't hide

Just believe in destiny

.

Don't care what people say

Just follow your own way

Don't give up and lose the chance

To return to innocence

.

That's not the beginning of the end

That's the return to yourself

The return to innocence

Never give up, Never surrender

"Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit."

Napoleon Hill

LOVE

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Sometimes

"Sometimes When I Am Dreaming"

All the friends I believed in

I believed in for a while

They had their flair

They had their style

But nobody quite got it right

Nobody knew just how it feels to be me

But sometimes when I'm dreaming

And I dream a lot these days

I meet someone who understands

Who leads me through the haze

It's only when I'm dreaming

That I fall in love for real

But I wake up screaming

Sometimes when I'm dreaming

And it's now

That I need a friend

I reach out for the phone

Nobody's there Nobody's home

Though it may not be right to give up the fight

I'm sailing away

Now I'm on my own

Alone

But sometimes when I'm dreaming

And I dream a lot these days

I meet someone who understands

Who leads me through the haze

It's only when I'm dreaming that I fall in love for real

But I wake up screaming

Sometimes when I'm dreaming

But I wake up screaming

Sometimes when I'm dreaming

Just wanted to say hello

"Hello"

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

To quote a friend

"You're the only you there will ever be, only difference is you're better than before" Aaaaaw shucks thanks, I'm glad you approve of the me I'm becoming. It's taking far too long and it's far too bumpy but I have the most amazing peeps on the road with me and for that I'll be eternally grateful.

Funny how when you feel the most lost and fragile someone will say something like that, that will put it all in perspective again and remind you it's all worth it in the end :P

I could to

Kings of Leon

Use Somebody

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me

Mmmm, I'm in heaven

Cold, wet and windy in November may not be heaven for everyone but I sure do love mother nature's sense of humor :)

"It is a wise father that knows his own child."

William Shakespeare

Daft ramblings

I've had this post about the moments that make our lives floating around in my head for days now and for some reason it's just not taking shape. The line "these are the moments" just wont stop popping into my head so I know that there is something that needs to be said I've just got to find a way to say it though. It's funny though, since this line popped up the first time I have become so much more aware of the moments so maybe thats all it's really about I'm not sure. I'm going to keep playing with it and hopefully it will eventually come out in the way, shape or form it was meant to..............in other words watch this space

Dream it

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it."

William Arthur Ward

Moments

I started writing a post last night on the effect moments can have on you and true to form the post morphed into something else that I'm still working on so for now, here, have a picture of a moment that would quite possibly take your breath away.

Never Again

"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself."

Harvey Fierstein

I love my ornaments :P

"The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Parental Advice

"My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."

Passion

"Live with passion!" Anthony Robbins

Thanks for the memories:)

It takes more than good memory to have good memories.

Moments

"Look at everything as though you were seeing it for the first time or the last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory."

Betty Smith

Destiny

"You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands - your own."

Mark Victor Hans

Ideas

Ideas are like children; there are none so wonderful as your own.

Joy

Ok, so my previous post is still floating around in my head and I've decide to post the 5 things that make me the happiest or rather give me the most joy right now and yes these 4 pics say it all. But now I'm going to say it.......

• Joburg's amazing weather the last few weeks and I don't mean amazing as in good weather I mean amazing in that it's been day after day of storms and rain. Happiness is a good thunder storm
• This one is two fold in that Toy Run as always is bringing me a whole heap of good things despite the stress and minor disasters and the best part will be a successful day on the 29th. Making a difference is always a positive thing even though I sometimes doubt it.
• the 29th also brings me a the joy of a little bike overdose although every time I see one I get a little joy fix, I may not have one YET but my day is coming :)
• This started as a joke about a giant red smartie and nearly a year later still is guaranteed to make me smile despite it being complicated and having it's own ups and downs
• And this well, this should be obvious, my friends some of them I've let go but the ones I really want are closer now than I could have ever imagined

Beginnings and Endings

Someone I know updated her facebook status with the line "every new beginning is another beginnings ending" the other day, I normally don't take note of these because the only thing I really use facebook for is to keep in touch with a few buddies overseas (yeah, yeah I know email and all that but facebook is just easier in some cases ok) but for some reason this update stuck and tonight it finally clicked, I finally got it and here it is. Well my version anyway.

It's been a cr@ppy year so far, a year filled with nothing but endings or at least it seems that way to me. I've lost more than one friend to tragic circumstances, I've lost a lover, I've lost a friend who was a lover, I've lost someone I loved at all the wrong times, I've lost friends that I now realise I wish I'd never had in the first place and I've lost a job that by the end I hated anyway because I was SO bored. That in my opinion is a heck of a lot of endings and loss but it wasn't until tonight that I actually realised that all those losses have opened the doors for beginnings and hopefully that realisation is the beginning of my turn around and me clawing my way back from the darkness that has enveloped me so completely for the last few months.

I've been so focused on the negative and the dark in my life that I've been over looking the good and that stops now. I'm going to do my damdest to stay focused on the beginnings and let the endings go. I know it's not going to be easy, I've been so overwhelmed and freaked out that I have all but lost (bad choice of word perhaps :P ) my ability to find the joy in most things. But as of now I will be making a concerted effort to concentrate on the good and focus on making the best of the beginnings I have in front of me right now and I'm choosing to believe that the endings are over and the beginnings are just the beginning of bigger and better things :)

Old My eye

"There is no old age. There is, as there always was, just you." Carol Matthau

:)

If you can find beauty in ordinary things, beautiful things become extraordinary

Anonymous

Empires

"The empires of the future are the empires of the mind."

Again with the one

Anger begets Anger. Friendship is the only cure for hatred , The only guarantee of peace. Hatred does not cease by hatred , But only by Love ; This is the eternal rule. One Love.

One

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes -- all you need is one.

Dare

"Dare to dream,

dare to try, dare to fail -

dare to succeed."

G Kinsley Wood

Ok

ok, I know I shouldn't but h3ll's bells I know at least a couple of people that would agree :P

Perception

"We don't live in a world of reality, we live in a world of perceptions."

What type of man are you???

"The measure of a man is the way he bears up under misfortune."

Plutarch

“I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do, but I do"

What About NOW!!!!!!!

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.
Can we see beyond the stars
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.
Shadows fade into the light.
I am by your side,
Where love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Humor

"Humor is an affirmation of man's dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him."

You were NOT born to fail

"Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail."

Og Mandino

Just a thought

A week ago I believed my ability to love was my greatest strength, my one true asset. Today I discovered once again that I'm a fool, it's not a strength but a weakness and in my case probably my fatal flaw. Sad that one person in one moment can destroy all you've been working towards with mere indifference isn't it :(

True Love

10 things

I love mornings like this, ok not quite like this but after nearly an hour of unsuccesfully looking for a picture that shows just how Jhb looks this morning I settled on these imitations.

There is just something about mornings like this. They make me feel so calm, so at peace, almost serene even don't ask me why though because they feel surreal as well. I actually wish I could wax lyrical and be all prosaic about it like some of the other writers/bloggers I know can, but for some reason this morning my words don't seem to be working. So since my words appear to be broken I decided to give you 10 simple words that aren't that describe why I love days like today

1 Warmth

2 Cleansing

3 Wet

4 Cold

5 Hot Chocolate

6 Pancakes

7 Renewal

8 Hope

9 Cuddling

10 Expectation

There is of course that one line I hate not only today but any other day as well, that line that fills me with fear, that line I dread, the one sentence that regularly brings people's worlds crashing down around them

Biker Down

Stay safe out there guys and gals

Star Light

Star Light Star bright,

The first star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might,

Have the wish I wish tonight.

Everywhere

Good Girls Go To Heaven Bad Girls Go Eerywhere
Songwriters: Steinman, Jim;

Good girls go to heaven
Good girls go to heaven
Good girls go to heaven
(But the bad girls go everywhere)

Good girls go to heaven
(Everybody go to heaven)
Good girls go to heaven
(But the bad girls go everywhere)

When the wind is howling through your window pane
It's not the only pain of the night
You're burning up in your bed you got a fever of love
And there's not an anti-body in sight

Hey Jenny Jenny why are you crying?
There's a beauty of a moon in the sky
But I guess when you've been leading such a sheltered life
You never lift your head and look so high

You don't have a lot but it's all that you've got
And you can turn it into more than it seems
Just give it a shot, fantasize every movement
And imagine every inch of your dream

No one said it had to be real
But it's gotta be something you can reach out and feel now
It ain't right it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand and we fade in the air

And the good girls go to heaven
But the bad girls go everywhere
The good girls go to heaven
But the bad girls go everywhere

Somebody told me so
Somebody told me now I know
Every night in my prayer, I'll be praying that the
Good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere

When the sweat is sizzling on your skin in the dark
And you're desperate now for somewhere to turn
Every muscle in rebellion every nerve is on edge
And every limb has been erotically burned

Hey Johnny Johnny why are you shaking?
When a boy should do whatever he can
You've been nothing but an angel every day of your life
And now you wonder what it's like to be damned

You don't have a lot but it's all that you've got
And you can turn it into more than it seems
Just give it a shot, fantasize every movement
And imagine every inch of your dream

No one said it had to be real
But it's gotta be something you've been wanting to feel now
It ain't right it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand and we fade in the air

And the good boys go to heaven
But the bad boys go everywhere
Good boys go to heaven
But the bad boys go everywhere

Somebody told me so
Somebody told me now I know
Every night in my prayer, I'll be praying that the
Good boys go to heaven but the bad boys go everywhere

Every time I try and dream you
I can't believe how hard it's been to
Conjure up your face and trace your body in the air
All the seconds go on forever

But the thirds and fourth ones are even better
Every time I do it just a little bit longer
Every time I dream
It's just a little bit stronger than real life

No one said it had to be real
But it's gotta be something you can reach out and feel now
It ain't right it ain't fair
Castles fall in the sand and we fade in the air

And the good girls go to heaven
But the bad girls go everywhere
The good girls go to heaven
But the bad girls go everywhere

Somebody told me so
Somebody told me now I know
Every night in my prayer, I'll be praying that the
Good girls go to heaven but the bad girls go everywhere

Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere

Now if only more people actually did this

"It is a greater work to educate a child, in the true and

larger sense of the word, than to rule a state."

William Ellery Channing

*Giggle*

Sweets for my sweet

If you wanted that star that shines so brightly

To match the star dust in your eyes

Darlin', I would chase that bright star nightly

And try to steal it from the skies

'cause I would give sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey

Your perfect kiss thrills me so

Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey

I'll never ever let you go

And if you needed a dream to keep you smiling

I'll tell the sandman you were blue

And I'd ask him to keep that sand a-piling

Till your dreams would come true

'cause I would give sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey

Your perfect kiss thrills me so

Sweets for my sweet, sugar for my honey

I'll never ever let you go

If you wanted a love to last forever

Then I would send my love your way

And my love would only last forever

But forever and a day

Ok, ok I know corny but whats a girl supposed to do, I had to get them out of my head somehow and this was all I could come up with :P

Use it well

It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well."

Rene Descartes

Why shoes and sunglasses make for a BAD evening

Just when I finally think I have myself sort of figured out I have a night like tonight and throw myself a curve ball :P

I've just spent the most painful two and a half hours of my life with friends and I think I'm about to lose my mind. But let me go back and explain so I don't sound like an insane lunatic (and no comments from the peanut gallery either, we both know you make me nuts :P)

I discovered this weekend that as much as I love my alone time and being on my own, the last two months of self enforced exile have left me feeling more than a little lonely. Don't get me wrong I mean lonely in a good way, ok, maybe I should rephrase that and make it in need of intelligent conversation (sorry boet but our conversations just don't cut it anymore). Of course when I was informed earlier today that I'd be alone again this evening I was anything but actually looking forward to it, in fact I'd even go so far as to say I was slightly peeved because I knew it was going to be another loooong night of silence. So when a friend phoned and asked if I wanted to join her, the hubby and some friends for dinner I thought why not, finally a chance at some intelligent conversation. Boy did I over estimate them and their conversational abilities.

Maybe it's my current circumstances or maybe I'm finally growing up but spending hours listening to women carry on about the virtues of this shoe designer and that make of sunglasses and which is better for a December holiday, Margate or Ramsgate (HELLO!!!! forget that they're less than 10km's apart why don't ya) and men wax lyrical about the new Chevy Lumina SS and the R16k they spent supercharging it and that the new sound system for the new Audi they haven't picked up yet cost more than my last 3 rent payments together over badly heated Woolworth's heat and eat meals just doesn't do it for me. That is not intelligent conversation. That is pure one up manship and I'm sorry but if thats what now qualifies as intelligent conversation I'm guessing my self imposed exile has just been extended.

It did however make me appreciate the silly inane conversations I have and the people I have them with just a little more and it also made me realise that an hour or two once in a blue moon spent talking to someone you find genuinely interesting and who can make you laugh is worth a million times more than any conversation about shoes...........

Small things

We cannot do great things; only small things with great love.

Mother Teresa

And then some people wonder why I do the things I do :P

Oh heck yes,

"I am convinced that life in a physical body is meant to be an ecstatic experience."

Shakti Gawain

No more corners

I've had one of those days.

I was on my own most of the day, Yay me, but my book wasn't holding my interest, Jethro Tull couldn't and wouldn't amuse me, I was bored, I needed to be held and I was lonely.

So being in this strange frame of mind and with probably my last weekend free time for a while to kill I decided to watch one of my favourite movies, yes I'll admit it I'm such a girl sometimes. Anyway that's not the point actually I don't really know that there is a point but I'm sure there is a point in here somewhere.

Lol, maybe I shouldn't have had that last glass of champagne with the neighbour. Congrats by the way girl your short film deserved to win. (maybe I should ask for permission to post a link...... note to self ask permission to post link :P ) Oh way to confuse yourself:P

Ok, back to what I started off wanting to say:P Today was the first time I watched anything with Patrick Swazye in it since his death (yes another one gone to soon :( ) and it made me just a little sentimental and for the strangest reason it made me miss my mom, don't ask I have no idea and I'm not going to try work it out either. But anyway I digress again, the picture above is probably one of THE moments in the movie and is so full of all sorts of emotions and suggestion but thats not the scene that gets to me every time I watch the movie, no the scene to me that stands out above any other is the one on the final night at Kellerman's where Johnny saves the day and a myriad of girls hopes and dreams with the line "nobody put's Baby in a corner" it's funny but since the very first time I saw the movie way back in the mists of time (1986 feels like more than a lifetime ago) that was the line that stood out to me and 23 years later it's still the line that grabs me and for the first time today I think I finally get it, I finally know what that line means and it's time that I stop living my life in the corner waiting, because I'm waiting for something that I already have, I'm waiting for something thats been here for awhile and I was just to blind to see that all I needed was to open my eyes.. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Courageously and Honestly

"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly."

Albert Einstein