We spend so much of our lives living in what if .......
What if I was thinner? , What if I'd stayed with him?
What if I did this? , What if I'd gone?
What if he did that? What if I'd stayed?
What if we had?, What if we hadn't?
What if I had more money?, What if I'd taken the job?
and the millions of other what if's we ask ourselves on a daily basis. Well it's time to let go of what if and start living WHAT IS............. accept what is and make an effort to make the best of the situation. Grasp what you have been given with both hands and take the time to enjoy it and to explore just how good it can be and if it doesn't last instead of asking what if, say it was and then move forward with your new what is.
So from here on out I will be living WHAT IS, laughing at WHAT IS, loving who and WHAT IS and learning that WHAT IS is where I'm meant to be
but most of all I will be remembering "it's NOT about WHAT IF but about WHAT IS"
quote courtesy of Jim Carrey
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Doomed
Looking at any news broadcast these days makes you realise that humanity is NOT learning from the past and is therefore doomed to continue to make the same mistakes.
All one has to do is look at the situation in Gaza, here we have a people being persecuted by the very same people who themselves where persedcuted by the Nazi's.
How come the rest of the world stepped in to assist at a cost of millions of innocent lives then and yet today sits back and does nothing??????
Have we instead of moving forward and learing to value human life, in fact stepped backwards in time to a time where human life means nothing.
As South Africans we experience needless death on a daily basis with a crime situation where your life is valued at less than that of a cellphone and yet we to sit back and do nothing, our lives are just as valueless as those of the Palestinians in Gaza. Or at least so it would appear. (Please dont think that I am in anyway trying to make light of or compare the Gaza situation, the only similarity is our lack of humanity and action on either count)
Are we as "humans" going to sit back and watch this happen, are we going to continue to allow the powers that be decide who is worthy and who is not?
Are we going to continue to do nothing about the situations both in Gaza and here???
Are we going to wait till the death toll in both places reaches millions before we as the human race stand up and say NO MORE?????
Because if that is the case then we as a human race are DOOMED and our end can not come fast enough.
In this situation there really is nothing to laugh about, there is little about the human race to love and there certainly is no will to change the way we live..........I for one though am going to learn from history and attempt to make a difference no matter how small it may seem
All one has to do is look at the situation in Gaza, here we have a people being persecuted by the very same people who themselves where persedcuted by the Nazi's.
How come the rest of the world stepped in to assist at a cost of millions of innocent lives then and yet today sits back and does nothing??????
Have we instead of moving forward and learing to value human life, in fact stepped backwards in time to a time where human life means nothing.
As South Africans we experience needless death on a daily basis with a crime situation where your life is valued at less than that of a cellphone and yet we to sit back and do nothing, our lives are just as valueless as those of the Palestinians in Gaza. Or at least so it would appear. (Please dont think that I am in anyway trying to make light of or compare the Gaza situation, the only similarity is our lack of humanity and action on either count)
Are we as "humans" going to sit back and watch this happen, are we going to continue to allow the powers that be decide who is worthy and who is not?
Are we going to continue to do nothing about the situations both in Gaza and here???
Are we going to wait till the death toll in both places reaches millions before we as the human race stand up and say NO MORE?????
Because if that is the case then we as a human race are DOOMED and our end can not come fast enough.
In this situation there really is nothing to laugh about, there is little about the human race to love and there certainly is no will to change the way we live..........I for one though am going to learn from history and attempt to make a difference no matter how small it may seem
Friday, January 23, 2009
Crashed
Well I was moving at the speed of sound.
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was going down.
Yeah, yeah.
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.
Too late and didn't see it coming.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away
Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.
I just wanted to know how it felt.
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense
Out of how and why this happened.
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.
From your face, your eyes
Are burning to me.
You saved me, you gave me
Just what I need.
Oh, just what I need.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away
This song says so much to me, it makes me realise that I actually had no choice in the choices I've made recently, that it was inevitable, that eventually someone was going to come along that opened my eyes and showed me the way to being myself and who I need to be. And to you, yes you THANK YOU, I will be eternally grateful that it was YOU that I crashed into ..... ..... .... .....
Head-spinning, couldn't find my way around, and
Didn't know that I was going down.
Yeah, yeah.
Where I've been, well it's all a blur.
What I was looking for, I'm not sure.
Too late and didn't see it coming.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away
Somehow, I couldn't stop myself.
I just wanted to know how it felt.
Too strong, I couldn't hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm just tryin' to make some sense
Out of how and why this happened.
Where we're heading, there's just no knowing.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.
From your face, your eyes
Are burning to me.
You saved me, you gave me
Just what I need.
Oh, just what I need.
And then I crashed into you,
And I went up in flames.
Could've been the death of me,
But then you breathed your breath in me.
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away.
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And I crashed into you,
Like a runaway train.
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away
This song says so much to me, it makes me realise that I actually had no choice in the choices I've made recently, that it was inevitable, that eventually someone was going to come along that opened my eyes and showed me the way to being myself and who I need to be. And to you, yes you THANK YOU, I will be eternally grateful that it was YOU that I crashed into ..... ..... .... .....
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Apologise
yep, thats all I seem to do these days. I apologise for how I feel, I apologise for what I want, I apologise for who I am , I apologise for what I look like, I apologise for trying to become who I want to be, hell I may have even apologised for breathing this week........
WELL NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am who I am and if you dont like it tough......I am becoming who I want to be, if you dont approve tough, I am finally in a place where I want to be and if you dont like it...YOUR problem
I am tired of trying to live up to what everybody else wants or expects me to be and as of right now I am taking back my life and living it on my terms. If you feel I owe you an apology for something, consider it given and if thats not good enough, to bad.
I am now living my life, laughing if I want to, learning when I can and I will love who and what I want to
WELL NO MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am who I am and if you dont like it tough......I am becoming who I want to be, if you dont approve tough, I am finally in a place where I want to be and if you dont like it...YOUR problem
I am tired of trying to live up to what everybody else wants or expects me to be and as of right now I am taking back my life and living it on my terms. If you feel I owe you an apology for something, consider it given and if thats not good enough, to bad.
I am now living my life, laughing if I want to, learning when I can and I will love who and what I want to
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The man has been inside my head
What I Want (feat. Slash)
It always seemed that I was sorry for the things that I did,
But never did a thing about it 'til I let you in.
It's kinda funny about the time that I was falling apart
.You came and put me back together, now.'
Cause what I wantAnd what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
I still remember all the stupid things that I've said and done,
But still, you stuck around with me when all your friends said, "Run!"
Givin' me a name, I found myself inside all the flames.
Becoming everything for you again.
What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
Don't tell me you saw it all along.
God help me, I never knew it alone.
Guess I was wrong.
What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
You've taken me,
And shaped me to become what you want me to be
It always seemed that I was sorry for the things that I did,
But never did a thing about it 'til I let you in.
It's kinda funny about the time that I was falling apart
.You came and put me back together, now.'
Cause what I wantAnd what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
I still remember all the stupid things that I've said and done,
But still, you stuck around with me when all your friends said, "Run!"
Givin' me a name, I found myself inside all the flames.
Becoming everything for you again.
What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
Don't tell me you saw it all along.
God help me, I never knew it alone.
Guess I was wrong.
What I want
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
As days go by,
I've finally become what you want me to be.
And what I need
Has now become the same thing
You've been offering.
You've taken me,
And shaped me to become what you want me to be
Daughtry says it best
There And Back Again
Take,
take your time.
Smell the roses, but steal the vines.
Don't wait for the hands of time
To second guess and change your mind.
And shine.
Here's your moment to shine.Shine.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again
.No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again.
Replace, replace that line
That spoke to you
And showed no signs to be alive.
So are you livin' or dead?
You have made a choice to hear your voice
Or hold on to what they said.Now, shine.
Here's your moment to shine
.Shine.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again.
Back again, back again.
Back again, back again.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you haveBeen there and back again.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I will take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again
Take,
take your time.
Smell the roses, but steal the vines.
Don't wait for the hands of time
To second guess and change your mind.
And shine.
Here's your moment to shine.Shine.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again
.No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again.
Replace, replace that line
That spoke to you
And showed no signs to be alive.
So are you livin' or dead?
You have made a choice to hear your voice
Or hold on to what they said.Now, shine.
Here's your moment to shine
.Shine.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again.
Back again, back again.
Back again, back again.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I'll take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you haveBeen there and back again.
Lay down, my friend.
Close your eyes, breathe in,
And I will take you there and back again.
No more questions why.
I'm not so surprised
Why you have
Been there and back again
Resistance is futile
Yes..................resistance is futile.
I've spent so much time fighting myself and the things I'm feeling recently. Only to realise that the only thing I'm achieving is upsetting myself and actually preventing myself from enjoying what should be a liberating experience. This is after all my life, I should be living it the way I want to and enjoying every moment of it regardless of where any of this leads. A case of if I dont go the distance how can I know if I'll want to go back again.......
Living, alughing, loving and yes learning more every day
I've spent so much time fighting myself and the things I'm feeling recently. Only to realise that the only thing I'm achieving is upsetting myself and actually preventing myself from enjoying what should be a liberating experience. This is after all my life, I should be living it the way I want to and enjoying every moment of it regardless of where any of this leads. A case of if I dont go the distance how can I know if I'll want to go back again.......
Living, alughing, loving and yes learning more every day
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Those moments
Have you ever experienced one of those moments when you just know thatthis is someone special and where you know that person will feature in your life somehow????
Funny thing is it's happened to me twice.
Once 9 years ago when I met my knight in shining armour (oblivious he may be, but still he is special). I don't open up to people easily so it was a unique experience when I met him, there was just something comfortable, something right about being with him and spending time with him. We instantly became friends, we laugh a lot and he grounds me and makes me want to be a better person and he has seen sides to me that I have hidden from everyone and even though I have in the past cried buckets about his being oblivious to me and walked away and not spoken to him for months he is always there in the background, if Ineed help, he's there…when my dad died, he was there, when my engagement broke down he was there despite not having spoken in 6 months, when my mom died, he gave up his all his free time to be with me and I don't know how I would have survived it without him…he has earned his title of my knight in shining armour.
It happened again just recently, I met somebody who from the first moment I saw him there was just something. He smiled at me and it was like something switched on. I was comfortable with him from that first moment and still am comfortable even though some of our conversations have been blush inducing. I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh, he makes me want to push my boundaries and has made me open up sides of myself that no one knew existed. Hell I don't think I'd even admitted to myself some of the sides he's seen existed. It's very new what I have discovered and yet it feels right. It's extremely complicated, to the extent that it's actually simple. He once said he was worried about hurting me, I'm willing to take the risk for the simple reason that what I'm learning about myself may never have come to the surface if I hadn't met him and because I want to. And becauseI'm hoping that he may have more to teach me.
Funny, how the same feeling about 2 people can have such different results. I enjoy spending time with and talking to both these men but for very different reasons and yet also for many of the same reasons and I hope that if I'm still blogging in 9 years time they will both still be part of my life in some way and that we will have all learnt something about ourselves from this experience. And maybe if I get really lucky I will have experienced this feeling for a 3rd time and it will have been the one I'm meant to be with, in the meantime I will live in hope and continue to
Live, Learn, Laugh and maybe even Love
K
Funny thing is it's happened to me twice.
Once 9 years ago when I met my knight in shining armour (oblivious he may be, but still he is special). I don't open up to people easily so it was a unique experience when I met him, there was just something comfortable, something right about being with him and spending time with him. We instantly became friends, we laugh a lot and he grounds me and makes me want to be a better person and he has seen sides to me that I have hidden from everyone and even though I have in the past cried buckets about his being oblivious to me and walked away and not spoken to him for months he is always there in the background, if Ineed help, he's there…when my dad died, he was there, when my engagement broke down he was there despite not having spoken in 6 months, when my mom died, he gave up his all his free time to be with me and I don't know how I would have survived it without him…he has earned his title of my knight in shining armour.
It happened again just recently, I met somebody who from the first moment I saw him there was just something. He smiled at me and it was like something switched on. I was comfortable with him from that first moment and still am comfortable even though some of our conversations have been blush inducing. I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh, he makes me want to push my boundaries and has made me open up sides of myself that no one knew existed. Hell I don't think I'd even admitted to myself some of the sides he's seen existed. It's very new what I have discovered and yet it feels right. It's extremely complicated, to the extent that it's actually simple. He once said he was worried about hurting me, I'm willing to take the risk for the simple reason that what I'm learning about myself may never have come to the surface if I hadn't met him and because I want to. And becauseI'm hoping that he may have more to teach me.
Funny, how the same feeling about 2 people can have such different results. I enjoy spending time with and talking to both these men but for very different reasons and yet also for many of the same reasons and I hope that if I'm still blogging in 9 years time they will both still be part of my life in some way and that we will have all learnt something about ourselves from this experience. And maybe if I get really lucky I will have experienced this feeling for a 3rd time and it will have been the one I'm meant to be with, in the meantime I will live in hope and continue to
Live, Learn, Laugh and maybe even Love
K
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Changes
I've had a very strange week, where I've gone from being completely at ease with what I am discovering about myself and accepting it fully to totally freaking out and wanting to demand the world stop and let me off.
I've been having a hard time with one thing in particular.........the feeling that I'm losing control.
You see for as long as I can remember I've had to be the strong one, the one who handles everything, the one who has to make the hard choices, the grown up if you will and therefore the one who is in control. So for me to realise that I want and maybe even need to let go of control and let someone else take the reigns and be the one in control is a shock to my system, it fights against everything I have had to learn to be in my life. And yet it also feels right, it feels as if I've found a piece of me that has been missing for a very long time. The thought even crossed my mind that if I hadn't had to learn to be in control I may never have realised that it was time to let go and be who I am meant to be.............
So as I go down this road, I may kick and scream and fight what comes naturally sometimes but I think my journey to myself may just be filled with not only learning but also lots of laughter, hopefully love and mostly a life that I will be happy to lead.....
K
I've been having a hard time with one thing in particular.........the feeling that I'm losing control.
You see for as long as I can remember I've had to be the strong one, the one who handles everything, the one who has to make the hard choices, the grown up if you will and therefore the one who is in control. So for me to realise that I want and maybe even need to let go of control and let someone else take the reigns and be the one in control is a shock to my system, it fights against everything I have had to learn to be in my life. And yet it also feels right, it feels as if I've found a piece of me that has been missing for a very long time. The thought even crossed my mind that if I hadn't had to learn to be in control I may never have realised that it was time to let go and be who I am meant to be.............
So as I go down this road, I may kick and scream and fight what comes naturally sometimes but I think my journey to myself may just be filled with not only learning but also lots of laughter, hopefully love and mostly a life that I will be happy to lead.....
K
Friday, January 16, 2009
Still dont quite know
exactly how to say what it is I need to say but I have been into the old cd's and stuff tonight. Been sorting boxes of my mom's stuff and it's not been easy. Anyway found an oldish Bon Jovi album, so I'm going to borrow from one of the songs......I think we all feel this way at times.............
I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give
I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be
I aint gonna cry
I dont wanna scream
But i got so much left unsaid inside of me
I just wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
And I'll add that I'm finding a way to live with what I want, I'm trying to laugh, I'm trying to love who I'm becoming and those on the journey with me but most of all I'm learning who I AM
I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
Don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie
I wanna give
I'm ready to try
Willing to lay it on the line
I wanna be loved
I wanna be
I aint gonna cry
I dont wanna scream
But i got so much left unsaid inside of me
I just wanna be loved
I wanna be loved
And I'll add that I'm finding a way to live with what I want, I'm trying to laugh, I'm trying to love who I'm becoming and those on the journey with me but most of all I'm learning who I AM
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Ok so I still dont know
exactly what it was I wanted to say this morning......................I know say what I want to say, I'm just not sure I'm ready to say it all ...............so instead I have changed my pic and yes tink will be here for good or until such time as I am prepared to let her go and so will the bumper sticker because well it says it all...............................
Live, love, learn and yes laugh even if it is at yourself
Live, love, learn and yes laugh even if it is at yourself
What to say
I've been sitting here for ages now trying to decide what to write this morning........... feels like I have SO much to say today but I have no idea where to start, so I'm going to take what some would say is the easy route and not say anything right now.........maybe I'll post later when some of what I want to say makes more sense. In the meantime heres hoping we all spend today living a little, laughing a lot, learning something and loving way to much..................
K
K
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
What's in a name
I was asked today about the name of my blog, and I thought maybe I should explain it..........so here is the really complicated explination.
I chose 2nd Life because after living my life in the shadows and hiding from life and myself, I have had the good fortune to be able to step out into the light and start living my life and being who I now know I am meant to be. A second chance if you will. So I am living my 2nd Life. And 2nd Life is a place for me to express my thoughts and the odd moment of realisation and maybe even expose just a little more of who I really am and the journey I am on.
Live, love, laugh, and yes I am learning every day
K
I chose 2nd Life because after living my life in the shadows and hiding from life and myself, I have had the good fortune to be able to step out into the light and start living my life and being who I now know I am meant to be. A second chance if you will. So I am living my 2nd Life. And 2nd Life is a place for me to express my thoughts and the odd moment of realisation and maybe even expose just a little more of who I really am and the journey I am on.
Live, love, laugh, and yes I am learning every day
K
Why?????
I'm having a little trouble reconciling why things happen this morning.
You see my brother and I have this friend, he turns 29 next week and has 2 lovely little girls that are his reason for living. He has always lived a healthy life but a little over 2 years ago he was diagnosed with Lymaphatic cancer (a long name I cant spell) anyway he underwent a series of operations and treatment and was given a clean bill of health.
Till yesterday that is, yes the cancer is back and has spread to both his lungs and so as his oldest daughter starts school this morning, he prepares to resume full on Chemo and faces the fact that he may not live to see either of the girls next birthdays.
And so I ask why?, why a man that has lived a good life faces this prospect, why a man who has everything in the world to live for has recieved a death sentence and yet there are people who have done nothing but evil and they rule tyranically over countries that are destroying for no other reason but that they can, that people like that can live happy prosperous lives and yet good people have to face a future that is nothing but death????????
Yes I live, yes I will laugh again, and yes I love way to much but what I want to know is what am I supposed to learn from this????????
You see my brother and I have this friend, he turns 29 next week and has 2 lovely little girls that are his reason for living. He has always lived a healthy life but a little over 2 years ago he was diagnosed with Lymaphatic cancer (a long name I cant spell) anyway he underwent a series of operations and treatment and was given a clean bill of health.
Till yesterday that is, yes the cancer is back and has spread to both his lungs and so as his oldest daughter starts school this morning, he prepares to resume full on Chemo and faces the fact that he may not live to see either of the girls next birthdays.
And so I ask why?, why a man that has lived a good life faces this prospect, why a man who has everything in the world to live for has recieved a death sentence and yet there are people who have done nothing but evil and they rule tyranically over countries that are destroying for no other reason but that they can, that people like that can live happy prosperous lives and yet good people have to face a future that is nothing but death????????
Yes I live, yes I will laugh again, and yes I love way to much but what I want to know is what am I supposed to learn from this????????
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Not my usual, but I agree it needs saying
January 11, 2009Israel’s bombardment of Gaza is not self-defence – it’s a war crimeISRAEL has sought to justify its military attacks on Gaza by stating that it amounts to an act of “self-defence” as recognised by Article 51, United Nations Charter. We categorically reject this contention. The rocket attacks on Israel by Hamas deplorable as they are, do not, in terms of scale and effect amount to an armed attack entitling Israel to rely on self-defence. Under international law self-defence is an act of last resort and is subject to the customary rules of proportionality and necessity. The killing of almost 800 Palestinians, mostly civilians, and more than 3,000 injuries, accompanied by the destruction of schools, mosques, houses, UN compounds and government buildings, which Israel has a responsibility to protect under the Fourth Geneva Convention, is not commensurate to the deaths caused by Hamas rocket fire. For 18 months Israel had imposed an unlawful blockade on the coastal strip that brought Gazan society to the brink of collapse. In the three years after Israel’s redeployment from Gaza, 11 Israelis were killed by rocket fire. And yet in 2005-8, according to the UN, the Israeli army killed about 1,250 Palestinians in Gaza, including 222 children. Throughout this time the Gaza Strip remained occupied territory under international law because Israel maintained effective control over it. Israel’s actions amount to aggression, not self-defence, not least because its assault on Gaza was unnecessary. Israel could have agreed to renew the truce with Hamas. Instead it killed 225 Palestinians on the first day of its attack. As things stand, its invasion and bombardment of Gaza amounts to collective punishment of Gaza’s 1.5m inhabitants contrary to international humanitarian and human rights law. In addition, the blockade of humanitarian relief, the destruction of civilian infrastructure, and preventing access to basic necessities such as food and fuel, are prima facie war crimes. We condemn the firing of rockets by Hamas into Israel and suicide bombings which are also contrary to international humanitarian law and are war crimes. Israel has a right to take reasonable and proportionate means to protect its civilian population from such attacks. However, the manner and scale of its operations in Gaza amount to an act of aggression and is contrary to international law, notwithstanding the rocket attacks by Hamas. Ian Brownlie QC, Blackstone Chambers Mark Muller QC, Bar Human Rights Committee of England and Wales Michael Mansfield QC and Joel Bennathan QC, Tooks Chambers Sir Geoffrey Bindman, University College, London Professor Richard Falk, Princeton University Professor M Cherif Bassiouni, DePaul University, Chicago Professor Christine Chinkin, LSE Professor John B Quigley, Ohio State University Professor Iain Scobbie and Victor Kattan, School of Oriental and African Studies Professor Vera Gowlland-Debbas, Graduate Institute of International and Development Studies, Geneva Professor Said Mahmoudi, Stockholm University Professor Max du Plessis, University of KwaZulu-Natal, Durban Professor Bill Bowring, Birkbeck College Professor Joshua Castellino, Middlesex University Professor Thomas Skouteris and Professor Michael Kagan, American University of Cairo Professor Javaid Rehman, Brunel University Daniel Machover, Chairman, Lawyers for Palestinian Human Rights Dr Phoebe Okawa, Queen Mary University John Strawson, University of East London Dr Nisrine Abiad, British Institute of International and Comparative Law Dr Michael Kearney, University of York Dr Shane Darcy, National University of Ireland, Galway Dr Michelle Burgis, University of St Andrews Dr Niaz Shah, University of Hull Liz Davies, Chair, Haldane Society of Socialist Lawyer Prof Michael Lynk, The University of Western Ontario Steve Kamlish QC and Michael Topolski QC, Tooks Chambers
Monday, January 12, 2009
Early Morning
Have you ever sat back and just let the sounds around you lead your thoughts? I did that the other morning, I was awake really early and had nothing that had to be or could be done, so I lay there in the dark watching the sun come up and change the world. But what I was really doing was listening to the noises around me. The rooster crowing (yes even in the middle of town) that is such a symbol of a new day and symbolises a new start, another chance. The traffic as it slowly grows from an occasional sound of a bike or car engine to a constant steady cacophony of sound as people rush off to work, gym and where ever else it is that they go so early in the morning. It made me think about the lives we live, the pace we live at and the fact that each of us is trying to fit more into everyday. I also started thinking about the time we spend working and how little time we spend doing what we enjoy and being with people we enjoy. We are all so resentful of the time we spend working and yet we don’t take the time when we have it to do things we want. Nor do we make an effort to spend the time we can with friends and family which leads us all to end up with a list of regrets that is far longer than it should be. So I’ve decided to make this the year that I spend as much time as I possibly can doing what I enjoy with as many of the people I enjoy and make it a year where we all
Live, Love and Laugh just a little more
Live, Love and Laugh just a little more
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Ready to fly II
For the last 3 years I’ve avoided putting myself out there, I walked away from a fiancée who was supposed to be my future and left me shattered 6 weeks before our wedding. I couldn’t trust anyone let alone myself, so I avoided situations where I needed to. I guess all the other losses that came my way in that time kept me a little distracted so I never even realised what I was missing. Recently however it started to dawn on me that I was missing out, that everyone around me had gone on with there lives and that I was the only one still living in the past with the hurt and resentment. It’s funny how quickly things change when you come to a conclusion like that. You see it lead me to do a lot of soul searching and I realised that if you aren’t going to take each day and make the most of it you may as well be dead. It also lead me to another conclusion, you see my mom died at 57 which is relatively young and only just more than 20 years older than what I am now and I realised that I was wasting my life, that I was just taking up space, yes I’m involved with a number of charities and charity events so I was making a difference but I still wasn’t living. So I decided to spread my wings and open myself up to what the universe had to offer. I realised that the only time I am guaranteed is right now, that I had to find my passion and do something about it, That I had to be ready to fly, otherwise I would just have more of the same. With all this thought out and without even looking I suddenly found my passion, yes it was already there and yes I was already involved but now I know I want to do more, and can do more…it has even brought me to a point where I can trust, through the people I’m working with I have realised that I can trust myself and my judgement, that I can trust others again, that not everyone out there is determined to use you and walk away leaving you a shell of your former self, quite the opposite actually. So with my passion found and my trust restored…I am finally ready, ready to spread my wings, ready to live, I’m ready to fly…that my journey though rocky has began and I am going to
Live, Love and Laugh
Live, Love and Laugh
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Mmmm no heading yet
Night begins to fall
Ablaze in lilac and gold
Pinprick stars
Moon rising
Possibility
Lights come on
Reality
Alone again
Happy in the knowledge
That today I did the best I could
I lived
I laughed
I learnt
And just for a little while
I loved
K
Just a little something about how who knows what
Ablaze in lilac and gold
Pinprick stars
Moon rising
Possibility
Lights come on
Reality
Alone again
Happy in the knowledge
That today I did the best I could
I lived
I laughed
I learnt
And just for a little while
I loved
K
Just a little something about how who knows what
When did we stop believing?
As children we have this innate ability to believe in everything from father Christmas to the Easter bunny, fairies, elves angels, mermaids, princesses and even prince charming but somewhere along the line, thanks to no fault of our own we have our beliefs crushed, our dreams shattered and our hopes snuffed out by those that went before us. They take a kind of perverse pleasure in robbing us and those that follow of all that is good and pure and innocent. One of my earliest memories of coming to Jhb, set the tone for my belief in innocence and maybe this is a good thing and maybe not but imagine from a child’s point of view being allowed to spend time away from home in the big city (yep small town girl at heart) and being woken up after what seemed like a journey that went on forever to the view of Jhb after sunset with all the lights (in those days there where even Christmas lights) and to a tale of fairies who where busy getting ready for parties that where being held in the freeway lights. This story has stuck with me and still resonates deep in me. I even repeat the story to all the little ones in my life …… seems to make the night just that little bit less scary for them knowing that the fairies are out there ready to protect them from harm. Even to this day very little competes with the beauty of the city at night for me, maybe it’s my soul longing for that time of innocence and belief after all to soon our journey becomes filled with cynicism, disbelief and hurt. So I will choose to believe on my journey.
Live, Love, Laugh but most of all believe in something, anything
Live, Love, Laugh but most of all believe in something, anything
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Ok, so
it's been a crappy week. I haven't been sleeping and I've managed to turn into a real girl and I know this does not bode well......with me it's usually a precursor to another trip down the depression highway...never a good place to be. Well not this time, I am going to fight this with everything I have in me....I will remeber that I am worthy, that I am succesful, that I am happy and most of all that I am loved, a fact that is so easy to forget. This realisation made me think about the fact that we seldom take the time to tell those that we care about that they are special, much less show them just how special they are to us. So thats what I'm going to do the rest of this week...... I am going to show those I care about just how much they mean to me and maybe it's time to remind those I love just what it is I love about them. Yes, I think it may just be time.
Yes I've remembered that on this journey it is not only myself who needs reassurance but those around me as well, so I'm going to take an alternate off ramp and show those in my life that I have learnt how to
Live, Laugh and most of all Love
Yes I've remembered that on this journey it is not only myself who needs reassurance but those around me as well, so I'm going to take an alternate off ramp and show those in my life that I have learnt how to
Live, Laugh and most of all Love
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Just because
There is a song I listen to when I'm down and things really seem bad. It was a fave of my mom's and though a country song as oposed to my usual rock, there is something in the words that resonate deep within and are a pick me up of note. I have therefore decided to post the words and hopefully they will do the same for you.......and yes i do hope you dance
I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out Reconsider
Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who) I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out Reconsider
Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance (Rolling us along)
I hope you dance (Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who) I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)
Ready to fly
Yes the music is at it again today. I was looking for something and found a copy of an album that I haven't heard in AGES. One of the songs is entitled ready to fly and the line that caught my attention was "I've always had wings but I wasn't ready to fly" well I've finally found my wings and I'm ready to fly.............SO I'm going to continue my journey and remember that I have wings and have fun doing it.........
Live, Laugh, Love and yes I will Learn
Live, Laugh, Love and yes I will Learn
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Craziness
Ok, so I've spent the day at a wedding, yes the bride was stunning, yes the groom cried (and no I'm ot going to make fun of him).....but what struck me wasn't the love they share or the future they are going to attempt to build together or even how happy they both seemed today, maybe it's just the cynic me but weddings really do bring out the worst in people......... no matter how young or old
Their 2yr old threw a tantrum of note and that was before 9am, although this one I will give him, I'd also have thrown one if I suddenly had to be dressed in a suit and tie on the whim of someone else (sorry mommy but cruel). The groom's sister in law was angling for a fight with her mother in law simply because her 2 kids wanted to sit with granny and not with her. Hell they even had a guest who arrived late and found the gates locked throw a total wobble and leave (this is Jozi lady ...locking the gates is the only sensible thing to do or are you living in a dream world). As you walked through the tables all you heard was .....this about the food....that about the venue......why about the seating plan ......couldn't they have about something else......... why did they ask them about the poor this that or the next person........I will even admit to my own I would have done this or that differently moment (not that it was voiced to anyone), even the venue owners tried their luck and tried to screw the couple for more money..... on their wedding day nogal............but despite all this going on around them they seemed genuinely happy and I even revised my earlier notion from countdown till one of them leaves to maybe just maybe they do have a shot and will actually make it................. and here's holding thumbs that they do beat the odds and become the one in what ever the statistic is that does make it.
It also reaffirmed something I used to tease my mom with years ago and that is probably the route I'd go if I ever found that elusive somebody who would make me want to give up my freedom and self....................I will have a braai and drop into conversation an innocent "oh by the way we got hitched", and it will probably still bring out the worst in someone but till that day comes I guess I will continue to go to weddings in the hope that someone will make it and become the exception to the rule.........until then I will continue to
Live, Laugh, Learn and even Love
Their 2yr old threw a tantrum of note and that was before 9am, although this one I will give him, I'd also have thrown one if I suddenly had to be dressed in a suit and tie on the whim of someone else (sorry mommy but cruel). The groom's sister in law was angling for a fight with her mother in law simply because her 2 kids wanted to sit with granny and not with her. Hell they even had a guest who arrived late and found the gates locked throw a total wobble and leave (this is Jozi lady ...locking the gates is the only sensible thing to do or are you living in a dream world). As you walked through the tables all you heard was .....this about the food....that about the venue......why about the seating plan ......couldn't they have about something else......... why did they ask them about the poor this that or the next person........I will even admit to my own I would have done this or that differently moment (not that it was voiced to anyone), even the venue owners tried their luck and tried to screw the couple for more money..... on their wedding day nogal............but despite all this going on around them they seemed genuinely happy and I even revised my earlier notion from countdown till one of them leaves to maybe just maybe they do have a shot and will actually make it................. and here's holding thumbs that they do beat the odds and become the one in what ever the statistic is that does make it.
It also reaffirmed something I used to tease my mom with years ago and that is probably the route I'd go if I ever found that elusive somebody who would make me want to give up my freedom and self....................I will have a braai and drop into conversation an innocent "oh by the way we got hitched", and it will probably still bring out the worst in someone but till that day comes I guess I will continue to go to weddings in the hope that someone will make it and become the exception to the rule.........until then I will continue to
Live, Laugh, Learn and even Love
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Somebody
Seems to me I'm having one of those musically inspired weeks.
This morning Nickelback's Gotta be somebody made me realise that for the first time in a looooooooooooong time I'm not even thinking about being alone because I'm not...Yep there is a somebody. Not the significant other type sombody but a somebody none the less.....
A somebody who is so complicated, he is simple. A sombody that challenges me, a sombody with the inate ability to make me laugh. A somebody who makes me want to push my boundaries and do things that I'd never even admitted to myself I wanted to do. A somebody who is seeing a side of me that no one knew was there and I hadn't admitted to myself was there.
Turns out he is a somebody that there's gotta be that makes me want to be a somebody for him.
Live, Love, Laugh and occasionally Learn
Ps. It's as John Mayer says "say what you need to say"
This morning Nickelback's Gotta be somebody made me realise that for the first time in a looooooooooooong time I'm not even thinking about being alone because I'm not...Yep there is a somebody. Not the significant other type sombody but a somebody none the less.....
A somebody who is so complicated, he is simple. A sombody that challenges me, a sombody with the inate ability to make me laugh. A somebody who makes me want to push my boundaries and do things that I'd never even admitted to myself I wanted to do. A somebody who is seeing a side of me that no one knew was there and I hadn't admitted to myself was there.
Turns out he is a somebody that there's gotta be that makes me want to be a somebody for him.
Live, Love, Laugh and occasionally Learn
Ps. It's as John Mayer says "say what you need to say"
Friday, January 2, 2009
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH
I woke up this morning to a world washed clean by an awsome Highveld storm and realised that, thats exactly what this new year offers a clean slate..........
The oppurtunity to recreate myself and my life, to finally leave the past in the past.......
Why would I want to do that you may well ask and I asked myself that same question as well, the answer is quite simple really.......
The past 3 years for me have been a torrid time of loss and hurt ...yep all that stands out for me of the last 3 years is loss
The fiance I thought was my future (what a girl thing)...
My gran ( no relation but a grandmother to me none the less)
My dog, who'd been a constant companion for 16 years
A father..that though difficult, I had only just started to understand and appreciate
Another dog ...this time the one that saved my life litrally
A home I loved
My mom.... who was my best friend , confidant and biggest supporter
and we lost our business............and somehow between all this or maybe because of all this I lost myself........
Yes there where a couple of gains and they where important ones, well some where anyway, but it's the losses that stand out and have started to define me and all I do because I go in expecting to lose.
Well no longer....as of today I will expect to win...I will no longer hope for the best but expect the worst..... I will no longer expect to be hurt even though I probably will be......
I will no longer accept that for myself...........................I will finally start to LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH even as I learn
The oppurtunity to recreate myself and my life, to finally leave the past in the past.......
Why would I want to do that you may well ask and I asked myself that same question as well, the answer is quite simple really.......
The past 3 years for me have been a torrid time of loss and hurt ...yep all that stands out for me of the last 3 years is loss
The fiance I thought was my future (what a girl thing)...
My gran ( no relation but a grandmother to me none the less)
My dog, who'd been a constant companion for 16 years
A father..that though difficult, I had only just started to understand and appreciate
Another dog ...this time the one that saved my life litrally
A home I loved
My mom.... who was my best friend , confidant and biggest supporter
and we lost our business............and somehow between all this or maybe because of all this I lost myself........
Yes there where a couple of gains and they where important ones, well some where anyway, but it's the losses that stand out and have started to define me and all I do because I go in expecting to lose.
Well no longer....as of today I will expect to win...I will no longer hope for the best but expect the worst..... I will no longer expect to be hurt even though I probably will be......
I will no longer accept that for myself...........................I will finally start to LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH even as I learn
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Spend Vs Save
Seems that music was everywhere today......heard The Fray's "how to save a life" and it struck me that you don't save a life you need to spend it.
Spend it with people you like
Spend it doing things you enjoy
Spend it finding your Passion
And once you have found that passion, you spend your life living that passion.
So stop trying to save a life and instead spend it and if in the course of that spending you can do something to help someone else learn to spend their life ........ maybe, just maybe you will have saved a life.............
Live, Love, Laugh
Spend it with people you like
Spend it doing things you enjoy
Spend it finding your Passion
And once you have found that passion, you spend your life living that passion.
So stop trying to save a life and instead spend it and if in the course of that spending you can do something to help someone else learn to spend their life ........ maybe, just maybe you will have saved a life.............
Live, Love, Laugh
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