"Make Me Believe Again"

Before this hits the ground,
Before this fades away,
I wanna let it out
And I don't wanna wait
So don't you let me down
And don't you hesitate
Before I turn around,
Before I walk away,
I want you to make me
Make me
Make me

Make me believe again
In some kind of faith
Help me to see again
Before it's too late
'Cause forever is never
That far away
Make me believe again,
Make me believe again,
I can't pretend,
Make me believe again.

Make me believe again
In some kind of faith
Help me to see again
Before it's too late
'Cause forever is never
That far away
Make me believe again,
Make me believe again,
I can't pretend,
Make me believe again.

If you could take the dirt
And wash it all away
If you could say the words
That make me want to stay
Just tell me there's a chance
To Hell with all the blame.
If you could take my hand,
If you could lead the way,
I want you to make me,
Make me, 
Make me

Make me believe again
In some kind of faith
Help me to see again
Before it's too late
'Cause forever is never
That far away
Make me believe again,
Make me believe again,
I can't pretend,
Make me believe again.

Make me believe again
In some kind of faith
Help me to see again
Before it's too late
'Cause forever is never
That far away
Make me believe again,
Make me believe again,
I can't pretend,
Make me believe again.

Nickleback rocks again...............

Only when you let her go

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,
Only know you love her when you let her go.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go...
And you let her go.

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow, and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause love comes slow, and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much, and you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ooooh ooooh oh no

And you let her go
ooooh ooooh oh no

Well you let her go

ooooh ooooh oh no

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Passenger - Let Her Go

All the stars

It's just another night
And I'm staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star
And thought of you
I sang a lullaby
By the waterside and knew
If you were here,
I'd sing to you
You're on the other side
As the skyline splits in two
I'm miles away from seeing you
I can see the stars
From America
I wonder, do you see them, too?

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

I can hear your heart
On the radio beat
They're playing 'Chasing Cars'
And I thought of us

Back to the time,
You were lying next to me
I looked across and fell in love
So I took your hand
Back through lamp lit streets I knew
Everything led back to you
So can you see the stars?
Over Amsterdam
You're the song my heart is
Beating to

So open your eyes and see
The way our horizons meet
And all of the lights will lead
Into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
But both of our hearts believe
All of these stars will guide us home

And, oh, I know
And oh, I know, oh
I can see the stars
From  America

All the stars Ed Sheraan the video

"Life Is A Lemon And I Want My Money Back"

It's all or nothing
And nothing's all I ever get
Ev'ry time I turn it on, I burn it up and burn it out

It's always something
There's always something going wrong
That's the only guarantee, that's what this is all about

It's a never ending attack
Ev'rything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back

And all the morons
And all the stooges with their coins
They're the ones who make the rules, it's not a game it's just a rout

There's desperation
There's desperation in the air
It leaves a stain on all your clothes and no detergent gets it out

And we're always slipping through the cracks
Then the movie's over, fade to black
Life is a lemon and I want my money back

I want my money back
I want my money back

What about love?
It's defective! It's always breaking in half

What about sex?
It's defective! It's never built to really last

What about your family?
It's defective! All the batteries are shot

What about your friends?
It's defective! All the parts are out of stock

What about hope?
It's defective! It's corroded and decayed

What about faith?
It's defective! It's tattered and it's frayed

What about you gods?
They're defective! They forgot the warranty

What about your town?
It's defective! It's a dead-end street to me

What about your school?
It's defective! It's a pack of useless lies

What about your work?
It's defective! It's a crock and then you die

What about your childhood?
It's defective! It's dead and buried in the past

What about your future?
It's defective! And you can shove it up your ass

Oh, I want my money back
I want my money back

It's all or nothing
And nothing's all I ever get
Ev'ry time I turn it on, I burn it up and burn it out

It's a never ending attack
Ev'rything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon and I want my money back

And we're always slipping through the cracks
Then the movie's over, fade to black
Life is a lemon and I want my money back

I want my money back
I want my money back

Channeling Cher again today

"Strong Enough"

I don't need your sympathy
There's nothing you can say or do for me
And I don't want a miracle
You'll never change for no one

I hear your reasons why
Where did you sleep last night?
And was she worth it, was she worth it?

'Cos I'm strong enough
To live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go

So you feel misunderstood
Baby, have I got news for you
On being used, I could write a book
You don't wanna hear about it

I've been losing sleep
You've been going cheap
She ain't worth half of me it's true
I'm telling you

Now I'm strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go 

Come hell or waters high
You'll never see me cry
This is our last goodbye, it's true

I'm telling you
That I'm strong enough to live without you
Stron enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I'm strong enough
To know you gotta go

There's no more to say
So save your breath
And you walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go

I'll be your clown

"Clown"

I guess it's funnier from where you're standing
Cause from over here I missed the joke
Clear the way for my crash landing
I've done it again
Another number for your notes

I'd be smiling if I wasn't so desperate
I'd be patient if I had the time
I could stop and answer all of your questions
As soon as I find out 
How I can move from the back of the line

[Chorus:]
I'll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go 'head and laugh
Cause it's funny
I would too if I saw me
I'll be your clown
On your favourite channel
My life's a circus circus
Round in circles
I'm selling out tonight

I'd be less angry if it was my decision
And the money was just rolling in
If I had more than my ambition
I'll have time for 'Please'
I'll have time for 'Thank you'
As soon as I win

[Chorus]

From a distance my choice is simple
From a distance I can entertain
So you can see me
I put make-up on my face
But there's no way you can feel it
From so far away

[Chorus]

a final step

I am not sure that I am suicidal but I do finally know what it feels like to be in such immense and overwhelming emotional pain that no matter how I look at it ending it seems the only viable option.

I have hit that brick wall where living with the pain has stopped making sense,  where I can't explain it, where no matter what I say it sounds crazy because how the hell do you explain something that you don't understand yourself.

It feels as if my soul is breaking into a million pieces, as if I dropped something fragile and precious and I have no hope of ever finding all the pieces or putting them all back together again.

Here I sit on what would have been my mother's 64th birthday alone, in tears and close to hysterical, facing things that I cant explain because I don't understand them myself.

I am suddenly terrified of the fact that I am alone.
I am terrified of the idea that at any moment my life will end and I have done nothing.
I have no one to call mine,
no children,
no family,
no successful career,
no home of my own,
I even have to rely on others to do things like my shopping.
All I have to show for my existence are a few meager possessions that weren't even mine to begin with.

Don't get me wrong I have 2 of the best friends a girl could ever want and who I am there for no questions asked, I have children that I couldn't love more if I had given birth to them myself and yes there is someone, someone who has given me the freedom to be myself, someone who showed me the way to myself, someone I would gladly die for and who I think cares about me as well in his own way.

And there is lays the rub I guess, how can I still be so scared, so sad, so hurt, how can I still need and want more. How can I be so needy, inconsiderate and even selfish when I have so much more than so many others? How can I be sitting here in so much pain praying for an end to it all?

I can't put the pain or emotions into words, I can't explain the simplest thing like needing to be held and comforted, I can't even explain why I can't bring myself to beg this time, all I know is I can't, I need it to be about me.

So yes, all I really do know I guess is that I am in too much pain to keep going and I have to find a way to end the pain whatever that ends up being

Stupid and pathetic

I'm feeling so stupid and pathetic this morning.
It doesn't compute.
None of it does.
I had an great weekend.
I had fun.
It was exciting.
I experienced new things.
Did things for the first time.
Did things for and with someone who means the world to me.
I should be on top of the world, really I should.
But ...........................................................

For some reason I find myself needing to talk to the one person I don't seem to be able to get alone.
I need something I don't know what it is.
I find myself craving reassurance, needing validation, wanting something I'm not even sure what.

As I said stupid and pathetic.

Rambling I guess

Got SO much going on in my head today.

My feelings are SO intense almost overwhelming.

Things are changing, for the better I hope.

Foolish maybe but something has changed for me it's like I finally see myself and it's odd and intense and empowering all at the same time.

Been listening to this and two other songs on repeat, songs that are talking to me, saying things that I don't quite get yet. But it's this one that is giving me goosebumps everywhere, not really an Avril Lavigne fan I think it was the Chad Kroeger connection that first drew me to it, Nickleback SO need a new album.............

"Let Me Go"

(with Chad Kroeger)

[Avril Lavigne]
Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone in the hall
But I still remember, the pain of December

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

[Chorus]
I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

[Chad Kroeger]
You came back to find I was gone
And that place is empty,
Like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It's not what you meant to me
Thought we were meant to be

Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

[Chorus]
I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye
Set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

I let it go and now I know
A brand new life is down this road
And when it's right, you always know
So this time I won't let go

There's only one thing left here to say
Love's never too late

[Chorus]
I've broken free from those memories
I've let it go, I've let it go
And two goodbyes led to this new life
Don't let me go, don't let me go

Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go

[4x]
Won't let you go, don't let me go

With you

Please forgive me

The last few months have left me feeling very fragile and broken when I need to be at my strongest and I am finding that I am very demanding and needy and want things like I never have before, not that that should really be a problem after all I deserve a little of the good stuff in life as well but somehow I always end up feeling guilty and unreasonable when I ask for what I want and I guess I am finally realising that I want more even if its silly and not about to happen and for that I ask your forgiveness, I know you need me to be stronger and I really am trying I just don't know how to without you. So I guess this is just a plea for you to forgive my weakness and know that I will always love you even when the sun stops shining .......

"Please Forgive Me"

Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss, it's gettin' better baby
No one can better this...
Still holdin' on, you're still the one.
First time our eyes met, same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger, wanna love you longer
You still turn the fire on...

So if you're feelin' lonely ‒ don't
You're the only one I ever want.
I only wanna make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should...

Please forgive me ‒ I know not what I do.
Please forgive me ‒ I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through...
Please forgive me if I need you like I do.
Please believe me, every word I say is true...
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

Still feels like our best times are together.
Feels like the first touch, still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough.
Still holdin' on, you're still number one.
I remember the smell of your skin,
I remember everything,
I remember all your moves I remember you, yeah!
I remember the nights, you know I still do.

So if you're feelin' lonely ‒ don't
You're the only one I ever want.
I only wanna make it good
So if I love you a little more than I should...

Please forgive me ‒ I know not what I do.
Please forgive me ‒ I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through.
Please forgive me if I need you like I do
Oh, believe me ‒ every word I say is true.
Please forgive me ‒ I can't stop loving you.

One thing I'm sure of is the way we make love.
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong.
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

Please forgive me ‒ I know not what I do.
Please forgive me ‒ I can't stop lovin' you.
Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through.
Please forgive me if I need you like I do.
Babe, believe me ‒ every word I say is true.
Please forgive me if I can't stop loving you.
Never leave me ‒ I don't know what I'd do.
Please forgive me ‒ I can't stop loving you,
Can't stop loving you.

So if you're feelin' lonely don't
you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good
so if I love ya a little more than I should
Please forgive me, I know not what I do...
...I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through...
...if I need ya like I do
Please believe me every word I say is true...
...our best times are together...
...touch, still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough...
Still holdin' on, still number one
I remember the smell of your skin...everything
...all your moves...you, yeah!
...the nights ya know I still do...
...One thing I'm sure of is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...
...Never leave me I don't know what I'd do...

Heard this and it made me think of you *blush*

Incredible
Celine Dion (with Ne-Yo)

Whole world is watching us now
It's a little intimidating
Since there's no way to come down
Lets give them something amazing

Lets make them remember
Using one word

Incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Lets make them remember
We were incredible
Simply incredible
Oh oh oh ohhh

We even counted us out
We weren't sure we'd make it
But we've learned no matter what they dish out
It's nothing, we can take it

We'll go down in history
They'll describe our love as

Incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Oh incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Lets make them remember
and we were
we were incredible
simply incredible
oh oh oh ohhh...

Lets make them remember
They'll describe our love as

Incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Oh incredible oh oh oh ohhh
Lets make them remember
that we were
we were incredible
simply incredible
it's something amazing

Let's give them something amazing