A life lived and lost

Angelique Constance Slogrove

1 April 1918 - 27 September 1990

Still miss you stax.

It's been 20 years this year since my gran left us for a higher calling, it seems like yesterday :( There are days that I still miss her so much, her advice, her sense of humour, her sense of self and her belief in a higher power that is in control. You couldn't ignore her or what she said. She was a lady in every sense of the word and yet you just knew there was something more to her.

She would have been 92 yesterday, and I spent a moment in a crazy day just remembering who she was and what she stood for and in that moment I realised that she really lived even if her life would have been considered boring by today's standards it was controversial in her day. She was unusual and just a little wild. She fought for what she wanted and won, she wasn't afraid and she made every day her own right until the end.

I have so many memories that stand out, that choosing just one or two to share turned into a bittersweet trip down memory lane that left me smiling sadly. She was a woman who in the 50's and 60's before it was something women strived for had successfully combined being a career woman with being a mother of 3 and a stepson. She fought for her love for my grandfather and defied not only her family, but the church and convention by marrying a divorced man with a child because she loved him. She was politically aware and at times took the risk of being arrested by the then "security" police for harbouring and assisting in the flight from the country of "enemies of the state". She had friends from every spectrum of life and circumstance and each of them was welcome in her home even when it was frowned upon. She believed in the basic concept that all men are created equal. She believed in doing what you could to help others. She was always busy knitting for someone or some charity or church fundraiser. She had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and was also more open minded than anyone I'd ever met until recently, funny but I can see conversations and debates between her and certain people in my life now that would have been nothing if not interesting, educational and intense. For me there are so many things that stand out like the sound of her laugh, it was infectious. She had the most amazing sense of humour, I don't know if had to do with her being an April 1st baby, but she loved to laugh and could make everyone around her laugh when she told a joke even if you had already heard it a thousand times. I loved the way she smelled, it wasn't that typical grandmother smell, she always smelled like "Blue Grass" perfume even today if I smell it I smile and think of her. She loved pretty jewellery and scarves, definetly something I inhereted from her She made the most amazing cottage pie, I've never tasted anything like it and even though I've followed her recipe to the letter for years it's never tasted as good and her scones OMG, little bits of heaven in every bite. They're still my fall back emergency, oh sh!t we have visitors and need something for tea make, I swear she's the reason I developed my love of cooking to. Being allowed to help make those scones and taught at 5 or 6 to make them on my own left me with no option really. She also taught me that books are your friend and fostered my love of reading and thirst for knowledge and new experiences. I just know she would have LOVED the internet and the worlds it's opened up.

Funnily enough though those aren't the things that stand out the most in my mind. What stands out most to me is her advice given to a teenage girl who really wasn't interested and yet here I am all these years later wishing that I had listened to the voice of experience and paid more attention to her advice. Some of it was profound like "if you love someone accept the circumstances of that love and make the very best of every moment you have because you never know which moment will be your last" followed closely with "if you love someone give yourself completely to them and the experience, to do less would be to steal from yourself and from them" admittedly one I still don't quite grasp but I'm starting to understand. Some of it common sense like "never go to bed angry with each other, your bedroom should be a place of peace" and "give your best no matter what it is you're doing" and some of it seriously embarrassing for a 16 year old girl like "make sure you're having fun together as a couple especially in the bedroom". Lets just say the story attached shocked my innicent 16 year old socks off :P (told you she wasn't average) One of the last pieces of advice she gave me was "if a man ever lifts his hand to you walk away and never look back" is also the one I regret not listening to most but thats a post for another time maybe.

She was a woman who would have fitted so much more easily into the modern world than her own time and yet I think it would break her heart to see what is becoming of the world now so maybe she did live in the perfect moment for her.

I just hope that someday I can look back on my life and know that I've lived as well as she did and that she would be proud of me :)

I know that wherever she is just the fact that I remembered to think about her would make her smile.