Pretty much how I feel today :/

Terror

I can remember years ago when my brother was 4 or 5 there was a series of nights when he would wake up screaming for no apparent reason after which he wouldn't settle no matter what tricks my parents tried. After a while my grandmother in all her wisdom called these episodes "night terrors" not your usual run of the mill nightmare, it seems because he seemed to settle after these, these were far worse apparently and scared him in to not sleeping.

Now you're probably wondering where this walk down memory lane is going and yes it actually does have a point.

You see for the last 10 days or so I've had this overwhelming sense of I HAVE to do something and it needs to be done now before its to late.
Call it a gut feel, call it intuition actually I don't rightly know what to call it except to say its overwhelming every moment of my day now, to the extent that panic set in yesterday.
I'm not sleeping, I'm barely eating. I'm crying all the time for no reason and I am totally at my wits end. I've had these gut feels before, actually they're regular occurrences and normally they pass when I've done what I need to or in a day or 2 if I ignore it but this time.
Not so, this time its getting more intense, more urgent, scarier and yes now I'm terrified.
It's this constant, its with me day and night and I'm really freaking out because what I HAVE to do I can't. It's one of those complicated things where if I do what I HAVE to it is could to have consequences that could spiral out of control and will most likely change things and I'm not sure I should be the catalyst.

Anyway I was just wondering if my brothers night terrors all those years ago felt anything like what I'm feeling now because I sure as heck don't want to fall asleep.

I would if I could

I tried to post these yesterday but blogger ate my post :( so I thought I'd try again tonight

Fix The World Up For You

I can tell you now
When I'm here to listen
To what I've got to say
All my words unplanned
Just like us they are waiting
To come together
I don't know if we're ready to take our train

But I, oh I, I'm gonna fix this world up for you
I'll try, I'll try to build it all around you
You'll never gonna have to be alone
You'll always know you got someone
To fix the world up for you

Well I'll bet I'll get it wrong
More times that I get it right
And I won't even realize it
But I've been doing all I can
To stop you falling
Even now I'm holding my breath for you

But you don't know, you don't know
That I'm ready to hold you now, hold you now

I, oh I, I'm gonna fix this world up for you
I'll try, I'll try to build it all around you
You'll never gonna have to be alone
Yeah you'll alway now you got someone
To fix the world up for you

Gonna fix the world up, up for you
Gonna fix the world up, up for you
Gonna fix the world up, up for you

Fix The World Up For You

I can tell you now
When I'm here to listen
To what I've got to say
All my words unplanned
Just like us they are waiting
To come together
I don't know if we're ready to take our train

But I, oh I, I'm gonna fix this world up for you
I'll try, I'll try to build it all around you
You're never gonna have to be alone
You'll always know you got someone
To fix the world up for you

Well I'll bet I'll get it wrong
More times that I get it right
And I won't even realize it
But I've been doing all I can
To stop you falling
Even now I'm holding my breath for you

But you don't know, you don't know
That I'm ready to hold you now, hold you now

I, oh I, I'm gonna fix this world up for you
I'll try, I'll try to build it all around you
You'll never gonna have to be alone
Yeah you'll alway now you got someone
To fix the world up for you

Gonna fix the world up, up for you
Gonna fix the world up, up for you
Gonna fix the world up, up for you

Simple, random truth. . . . . . .

Our job this day is to become part of the answer to the world's immense and protracted suffering rather than continuing our ancient task of being part of the difficulty.

~Hugh Prather

Shall we ? ? ?

Lay your body down

I've spent my life waiting

For that famous final scene

I believe you know the one

When she falls in love with me

As for you, you've been fakin' your smile

Fillin' your time

on small talk

And cheap wine

Knowing in your heart there was someplace

That you'd rather be

So right or wrong,

I wrote you this song

To tell you how I feel

Don't put up no fight

You just turn off the lights

Walk over here to me

And lay your body down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah

Oh, let your tears fall down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah

As for me I've lied to, denied to

fought with, and tried to

apologize for all my ways

To all the women who were fool enough to fall

in love with me

You played your role

like a movie

Got your lines of who is,

who was, who would be

Somehow you lost track

While real love slipped away, yeah

So for tonight, just turn off the lights

And let those real feelings show

There's no wrong or right

but until you try

you're never gonna know

And lay your body down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah

Oh, let your tears fall down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah

Before you was mine

I was so lonely

Ain't it a shame

Your heart must feel pain

before you can get back on your feet again

So let's draw the blinds

Forget wasted time

And let them old demons die

Take a hold of my hand

Then you'd understand

Why love's worth one more try

And lay your body down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah

Oh, let your tears fall down on me

Down on me, tonight, oh yeah