Maybe I'm back after all

I’ve had a very strange day.

Never really slept last night, been so much going on in my life for so long now that I had got to the point where relaxing just wasn’t happening anymore, so neither was sleep, but hopefully things changed today.

I must admit that in some ways though this has been a better week than I’ve had in a long time. Took back some of my power on Monday, quit a job I hated with a boss that was just downright nasty, I’ve never been told I was useless or pathetic as many times as I was in the 7 weeks I worked for her so much so I had started to feel weak, useless and pathetic even though I should have known better. Sadly she brought back a LOT of baggage I thought I had dealt with and put to rest years ago with the way she treated me but you know what I beat it once I can do it again. Someone reminded me that I’m a lot stronger than I think I am this week and him I choose to believe. Also started a new “career” on Tuesday, something that has been in “negotiation” for months and it’s something I enjoy, with a boss I love and who can’t stop telling me how glad he is I’m finally working for him because now he knows he’s business is going to grow and become everything he wants it to be.

Anyway that’s not the point I was getting at even if it is part of where I am J

I’ve been very lost this weekend, been hiding and well just wallowing in everything that’s been going on trying to see if I’m still in there anywhere and questioning everything and everyone in my life.

A few things happened this morning though that pushed me out of that place back into the world. My boss (yes he checks up on me) k@ked me out for not leaving the flat since I got home on Friday and being me and not wanting to disappoint him (ok maybe I was just ready but hey who knows) I actually took myself over to the city and did some window shopping and finally invested some of my birthday gift from a friend in the something pretty and lacy she instructed me to buy myself. Long story and NO I’m not sharing the one person who needs to know does :P Anyway I digress, I came back from my excursion feeling a little more in touch with me. For the first time in weeks I could feel the spirits and I was attracted to my crystals, the rose quartz in particular, every time I picked it up though I felt like I was in someone’s presence, this has never happened to me before, freaked me a little but I put it down to that I was missing this particular person lots today. Also felt like reading again, no not escapism reading been doing lots of that I mean real reading J My mom had a really eclectic book collection and I’ve never read some of the books, wasn’t really interested but today seemed like a good day to start so I’m now reading a book on awakening your inner High Priestess and Source-eress , my mom always maintained the right book would appeal when I was ready to read it, maybe she was right, we’ll have to wait and see.

Also had me a Sunday afternoon snooze. In the sun on the mattress on the floor in the lounge. Don’t ask :P Anyway I don’t usually remember dreams in vivid detail and this wasn’t really a dream just voices (yes I’m hearing voices ok) that kept repeating words but I remembered them to the extent of being able to write them down word for word. The voices kept telling me

“when you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself, as you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself”

Funny thing is, when I woke up I had this clear vision of the day I met the same person I kept sensing while holding the crystals this morning. I’ve always maintained that around him I feel like I’m becoming the me I meant to be almost as if I’m finding myself. We haven’t spent much time together lately but when we have I’ve been calmer and more me than I’ve been normally. I put this down to that with my previous boss I was well on the way to losing myself again and my brief encounters with him where the universes way of trying to get me back on track and when that didn’t work there was the advise to take back my power which although not directly aimed at me came the day before I did just that, don’t think I would have done it either if I hadn’t read that particular post.

Taking back your power, finding yourself, the people in your life and the impact they have, listening to the universe, getting back on track who knows what this post is really all about. All I can say is it’s the first post I’ve felt like writing in a while and I guess we’re all just going to have to wait and see if this is just a blip on the radar or if I’m honestly back on track and ready to face the world. All I know for sure is that special people come into your life to help you grow into who you are meant to be and everything that has happened today has confirmed to me that regardless of the difficulties and issues surrounding them being there some people are just meant to be in your life. Full stop.